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Your local newspaper wants to reward people who have contributed a lot to the community Write a letter to the newspaper In your letter suggest someone who deserves the reward mention what they have done to help the community say what reward you would like v.1

Your local newspaper wants to reward people who have contributed a lot to the community Write a letter to the newspaper In your letter suggest someone who deserves the reward mention what they have done to help the community say what reward you would like v. 1
In the current scenario, it is an undeniable fact that money has become an integral part of a person's day-to-day needs. Some people believe that investing leisure time to earn money is more important while others opine the other way in having more spare time when compared with money. This essay would succinctly look into both these views and would derive a plausible conclusion. On the one hand, financial stability lays a basic foundation to run a family without facing any difficulties in their routine life. In other words, money in the form of assets, liquid cash could provide a prosperous lifestyle, not only to the family at present but also to the children’s future. To exemplify, an average educational expense in a globally recognized university would cost a fortune for a bachelor’s degree, which could be difficult to pursue without financial support from family. Moreover, the extra income would aid to manage unexpected expenses such as medical emergencies as well as on job recession periods. On the other hand, there are myriad effects on a person in the aspect of both psychological and physiological. Focusing on the free time to improve mental and physical health could help people to relax in spite of the stress obtained from the work environment. For instance, 90% of the people who suffer cardiovascular diseases are the ones that did not get enough time to concentrate on their well being. To conclude, money plays an essential role in the present world for a better standard of life. However, the result of obtaining more money in exchange for free time might not always be fruitful. Thus I personally believe spending spare time to self heal rather than money is better considering the detrimental effects on an individual.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, it is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has become an integral part of a person's day-to-day needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that investing leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
while others opine the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
way in having more spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This essay would
succinctly
look into both these views and would derive a plausible conclusion.

On the one hand, financial stability lays a basic foundation to run a family without facing any difficulties in their routine life. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the form of assets, liquid cash could provide a prosperous lifestyle, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the family at present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the children’s future. To exemplify, an average educational expense in a globally recognized university would cost a fortune for a bachelor’s degree, which could be difficult to pursue without financial support from family.
Moreover
, the extra income would aid to manage unexpected expenses such as medical emergencies
as well
as on job recession periods.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are myriad effects on a person in the aspect of both psychological and physiological. Focusing on the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
mental and physical health could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to relax
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
obtained from the work environment.
For instance
, 90% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who suffer cardiovascular diseases are the ones that did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to concentrate on their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays an essential role in the present world for a better standard of life.
However
, the result of obtaining more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in exchange for free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
might not always be fruitful.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I
personally
believe spending spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to self heal
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is better considering the detrimental effects on an individual.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Your local newspaper wants to reward people who have contributed a lot to the community Write a letter to the newspaper In your letter suggest someone who deserves the reward mention what they have done to help the community say what reward you would like v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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