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The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science related subjects at a UK university in 2009 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant v.1

The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science related subjects at a UK university in 2009
Technology has become a part of human life. Getting the fact that the world industry has changed into digital 4. 0, we can see that every connection and relationship could be reached by a digital platform in our pocket. Handphone, laptop, tablet, computer has now been essentials for people to connect.  Nowadays, it is often observed that some people tend to more engaged with their gadget rather than in real life. Even though the technology is beneficial for human, I argue that it can harm people in the contact they made through several digital media. Many fake accounts, hackers, and internet bullying can be found. As the development of technology is increasing day by day, people could easily get connected to the internet. This caused many people use this privilege to harm or fool others. For instance, in these days, there are lots of people doing "internet relationship" or "internet dating" and when they want to meet each other in the real life, the partner is gone missing. This action is not healthy for somebody mental health. Instead of fake accounts, there are lots of internet bullying that can happen in many forms. People in social media can easily make themselves as anonymous, as when they have an intend to attack someone, they have no worries to act any harmful thing. For example, there are several cases of bullies happen on Facebook. When I was a child, I was being one of the victims of vocal harassment in social media. And surely, cyber bullying is not good at all. The conclusion is the changing type of relationship that caused by technology is may be dangerous, even it brings many advantages. Parents should be more aware about their kids activity with technology to avoid such internet crime.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has become a part of human life. Getting the fact that the world industry has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
into digital 4. 0, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that every connection and relationship could
be reached
by a digital platform in our pocket.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Handphone
, laptop, tablet, computer has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
been essentials for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to connect.  Nowadays, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to more engaged with their gadget
rather
than in real life.
Even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is beneficial for human, I argue that it can harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the contact they made through several digital media.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
fake accounts, hackers, and internet bullying can
be found
.

As the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is increasing day by day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connected to the internet. This caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this privilege to harm or fool others.
For instance
, in these days, there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
internet relationship
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
or
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
internet dating
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and when they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other in the real life, the partner
is gone
missing. This action is not healthy for somebody mental health.

Instead
of fake accounts, there are lots of internet bullying that can happen in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in social media can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves as anonymous, as when they have an
The word 'intend' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "intent"?
intend
to attack someone, they have no worries to act any harmful thing.
For example
, there are several cases of bullies happen on Facebook. When I was a child, I was being one of the victims of vocal harassment in social media. And
surely
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at all.

The conclusion is the changing type of relationship that caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, even it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages. Parents should be more aware about their kids activity with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to avoid such internet crime.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science related subjects at a UK university in 2009

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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