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In spite of many advance women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? v.1

In spite of many advance women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? v. 1
In a plethora of countries, there is an increment in children’s health conditions. Obesity, in particular, statistics show that more than 40 percent children are overweight. While many people assure that the state ought to mitigate this pandemonium; however, I firmly bolster that parents are the one who have the duty to eradicate this issue. To begin with, child’s diet is monitored by parents. This phenomenon is likely to trigger because there are a lot of parents feed their child nonchalantly. They tend to give their child junk-foods, sweets, and other types of unhealthy food rather than give them fruits and vegetables. Thus, making a clear judgement that rather than the regime, it is parents’ responsibility to diminish this occurrence. Moreover, the sophistication of technology inhibits the children’s outdoor activities. There is ample evidence to suggest that children prefer to harness gadgets, such as mobile phones and computers rather than perform physical activities. Furthermore, the polity has no rights to force the children to do more practical activities. Thus, there is nothing the government can do in order to repel this phenomenon occurring. To illustrate, the government cannot ban the use of gadgets, for instance phones to encourage children to play outside. To recapitulate, it is indeed an inevitable issue that no one can prevent. Moreover, the union is not capable to alleviate this problem; however, there are some measures parents can take to mitigate this shortage. Hence, it is clear that parents are the one who responsible to overcome this distress.
In a plethora of countries, there is an increment in
children’s
health conditions. Obesity,
in particular
, statistics
show
that more than 40 percent
children
are overweight. While
many
people
assure that the state ought to mitigate this pandemonium;
however
, I
firmly
bolster that
parents
are the one who have the duty to eradicate this issue.

To
begin
with, child’s diet
is monitored
by
parents
. This phenomenon is likely to trigger
because
there are
a lot of
parents
feed their child
nonchalantly
. They tend to give their child junk-foods, sweets, and other types of unhealthy food
rather
than give them fruits and vegetables.
Thus
, making a
clear
judgement that
rather
than the regime, it is
parents’
responsibility to diminish this occurrence.

Moreover
, the sophistication of technology inhibits the
children’s
outdoor activities. There is ample evidence to suggest that
children
prefer to harness gadgets, such as mobile phones and computers
rather
than perform physical activities.
Furthermore
, the polity has no rights to force the
children
to do more practical activities.
Thus
, there is nothing the
government
can do in order to repel this phenomenon occurring. To illustrate, the
government
cannot ban the
use
of gadgets,
for instance
phones to encourage
children
to play outside.

To recapitulate, it is
indeed
an inevitable issue that no one can
prevent
.
Moreover
, the union is not capable to alleviate this problem;
however
, there are
some
measures
parents
can take to mitigate this shortage.
Hence
, it is
clear
that
parents
are the one
who responsible
to overcome this distress.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of many advance women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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