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Dieting to lose weight has become increasingly prevalent in the developed world. Why do you think people nowadays are so concerned with body shape and size? v.2

Dieting to lose weight has become increasingly prevalent in the developed world. Why do you think people nowadays are so concerned with body shape and size? v. 2
In this day and age, balanced diet for losing weight has become progressively widespread in the developed country. Indeed, modern people are so apprehensive for their appearance. They often concentrate on their body shape and size every day. In fact, there are number of reasons for focusing on the personal shape. The first reason is advertisements encourage people to value slim figures. Nowadays, these ads often show desirable consumer products alongside slim models. However, advertisers would not use slim models unless the public already had a favourable view of them. The other reason is people associate slimness with positive character traits. People who do not eat too much are seem as having good self-control. They could be a model in dietary for others. On the other hand, people who are not slender or slight will get some negative commentary. They are unable to be self-assured towards another people. Moreover, they would not satisfy their love for eating, they have to notice to other peoples’ view if they are eating too much. The last reason is there are plenty kinds of diet for people have weight lost these days. People are able to control their weight easily by these diets. They can set daily plan for their meal which is smart and suitable for them. In spite of this, if people diet too much, they may become malnourished. Obviously, it is not good for their health. Although people are more and more worry about their body shape, they should still have intelligent method for dieting to lose their weight.
In this day and age, balanced diet for losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
has become
progressively
widespread in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
.
Indeed
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
apprehensive for their appearance. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
concentrate on their body shape and size every day. In fact, there are number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for focusing on the personal shape.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is advertisements encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to value slim figures. Nowadays, these ads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
desirable consumer products alongside slim models.
However
, advertisers would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
slim models unless the public already had a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
view of them.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
associate slimness with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
character traits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who do not eat too much are
Consider using a past participle here: "seemed".
seem
as having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
self-control. They could be a model in dietary for others. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not slender or slight will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
commentary. They are unable to be self-assured towards another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, they would not satisfy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for eating, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
notice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples’
view if they are eating too much.

The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
kinds of diet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
lost these days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are able to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
easily
by these diets. They can set daily plan for their meal which is smart and suitable for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
this, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
diet too much, they may become malnourished.
Obviously
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their health.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more and more worry about their body shape, they should
still
have intelligent method for dieting to lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Dieting to lose weight has become increasingly prevalent in the developed world. Why do you think people nowadays are so concerned with body shape and size? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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