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Your foreign friend is considering coming to your country to visit, but he/she doesn’t know how to plan the trip. What suggestion do you give him/her? v.1

Your foreign friend is considering coming to your country to visit, but he/she doesn’t know how to plan the trip. What suggestion do you give him/her? v. 1
As one achieves 'celebrity' status with continued growth in popularity, they can be sure to find themselves bombarded by crowds and cameras. The fan base that they garner include many who are fascinated by the lifestyles of the famous, which are typically much more lavish than the average commoner. However, in today's society, there is a greater emphasis being placed on the need to respect people's privacy, including that of celebrities. I strongly believe that it is not fair for starlets to give up their private lives upon achieving fame. For example, celebrities, particularly women, are now being scrutinized for not wearing make-up whilst grocery shopping based on the photos captured by the paparazzi. Furthermore, the incessant obsession that the paparazzi has towards famous people can damage livelihoods. Not only does it invade the privacy of the individuals themselves, but also that of their friends and family. On the other hand, the paparazzi has been following around celebrities to provide footage that pleases their fans for many decades. Therefore, a talented individual who chooses to enter the limelight is aware that as they rise to stardom, they will face the consequences of being followed around. One can argue that they consciously accept that their personal life will be broadcasted. In conclusion, whilst celebrities usually rise to fame due to a unique talent that is enjoyed by the masses, it is unfair to infringe on the goings on of their personal lives and deem that to be the price of fame. A compromise can be achieved by celebrities not being snubbed in private places, such as their own homes.
As one achieves 'celebrity' status with continued growth in popularity, they can be sure to find themselves bombarded by crowds and cameras. The fan base that they garner include
many
who
are fascinated
by the lifestyles of the
famous
, which are
typically
much more lavish than the average commoner.
However
, in
today
's society, there is a greater emphasis
being placed
on the need to respect
people
's privacy, including that of celebrities.

I
strongly
believe that it is not
fair
for starlets to give up their private
lives
upon achieving fame.
For example
,
celebrities
,
particularly
women, are
now
being scrutinized
for not wearing
make
-up whilst grocery shopping based on the photos captured by the paparazzi.
Furthermore
, the incessant obsession that the paparazzi has towards
famous
people
can damage livelihoods. Not
only
does it invade the privacy of the individuals themselves,
but
also
that of their friends and family.

On the other hand
, the paparazzi has been following around
celebrities
to provide footage that
pleases
their fans for
many
decades.
Therefore
, a talented individual who chooses to enter the limelight is aware that as they rise to stardom, they will face the consequences of
being followed
around. One can argue that they
consciously
accept that their personal life will
be broadcasted
.

In conclusion
, whilst
celebrities
usually
rise to fame due to a unique talent that
is enjoyed
by the masses, it is unfair to infringe on the
goings on
of their personal
lives
and deem that to be the price of fame. A compromise can
be achieved
by
celebrities
not
being snubbed
in private places, such as their
own
homes.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Your foreign friend is considering coming to your country to visit, but he/she doesn’t know how to plan the trip. What suggestion do you give him/her? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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