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These days it is very common to have people from two different generation mix in the same workplace. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this situation? v.1

These days it is very common to have people from two different generation mix in the same workplace. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this situation? v. 1
There are increasing numbers of youths migrating from remote areas to urban areas leading to the fact that only older people are living there. In my opinion, this is a natural phenomenon happening when young people look for a better job in the big cities than it is in small villages. Anyway, I think it causes negative impacts with overcrowded in cities and pressuring on its infrastructure, and fewer the workforces to develop agriculture in rural areas. A career development is always one of the most important factors for the young people. Many companies establish their businesses and facilities in big cities rather than in remote areas. Therefore, there will be greater opportunities for the youths to get job offers as well as a higher paid salary in cities. A vast movement from rural areas to the cities of the youth can lead to the fact that cities will suffer with an overwhelming amount of the habitants. Its public services may not develop fast enough to satisfy increasing numbers of people day by day. For example, public transportation could be overloaded during peak hours; hospitals or healthcare clinics are always full of patients. As such, the authorities always encourage companies to build their factories in the countryside in order to divert people coming to the cities. The wave of youth movement to metropolis also causes the phenomenon that there are only elders living in the rural areas, which leads to not enough workforces for agricultural development and farms’ abandonment. In conclusion, more young people are moving to cities from remote areas nowadays to look for a better job. This cause negative effects that cities will suffer more pressure on its public services as well as it may decrease the development for agriculture.
There are increasing numbers of youths migrating from remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
leading to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living there. In my opinion, this is a natural phenomenon happening when young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look for a better job in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than it is in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
villages. Anyway, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts with overcrowded in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and pressuring on its infrastructure, and fewer the
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
to develop agriculture in rural areas.

A career development is always one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
establish their businesses and facilities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
rather
than in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Therefore
, there will be greater opportunities for the youths to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job offers
as well
as a higher paid salary in cities.

A vast movement from rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
can lead to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will suffer with an overwhelming amount of the habitants. Its public services may not develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to satisfy increasing numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
day by day.
For example
, public transportation could
be overloaded
during peak hours; hospitals or healthcare clinics are always full of patients. As such, the authorities always encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to build their factories in the countryside in order to divert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. The wave of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
movement to metropolis
also
causes the phenomenon that there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
elders living in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, which leads to not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
for agricultural development and farms’ abandonment.

In conclusion
, more young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
from remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
nowadays to look for a better job. This cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will suffer more pressure on its public services
as well
as it may decrease the development for agriculture.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay These days it is very common to have people from two different generation mix in the same workplace. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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