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Most of the schools are planning to replace sports and exercise classes with more academic sessions. What i s your opinion on this change? How is this change will affect children’s life in your view? v.2

Most of the schools are planning to replace sports and exercise classes with more academic sessions. What i s your opinion on this change? How is this change will affect children’s life in your view? v. 2
Best education planning is always been an important factor for a healthy and successful nation. Recently many schools are planning to replace teaching session with sports and exercise classes. In my opinion it is an excellent change which will have very good long term effects. There are many strong reasons for this believe. This essay will explain these benefits with examples. One of the main benefit of this change is that it is better for health of children to attend more physical activity classes. For a healthy mind a healthy body is very important. With the advent of technology kids are mostly spending their time on computers and internet. This change in attitude has caused a lot of health problems. One of major issue is obesity at younger age. Children has all games and activities on computers and mobile phones. Beside obesity there are many other health issues like heart problem, hearing issues and strokes has been noticed at quite younger age. It is very good thought to make students to attend work out classes more then before. For example, in Canada curriculum physical education class is a compulsary course in primary and secondary school level. Every school in North America has large and fully equipped gyms. Due to these changes kids are involving more in games and outdoor activities. Another reason in favor of this view is that these subjects will improve overall performance of children. There are many educational games and supports too. Children can learn many important aspects of life. Playing different supports can create good teamwork and cooperation. It is a good way of creating confidence and sportsman ship in children. These all positive effects will help to build strong and healthy nation. In developed countries there are many job oppertunities for players. this way many children choose sports as their carrier. So in my opinion it is a very positive change and it will help to develope a strong nation and successful country.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Best".
Best
education planning is always been an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and successful nation. Recently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools are planning to replace teaching session with sports and exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. In my opinion it is an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
which will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
long term effects. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
strong reasons for this
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
these benefits with examples.

One of the main benefit of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is that it is better for health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to attend more physical activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. For a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
mind a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. With the advent of technology kids are
mostly
spending their time on computers and internet. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in attitude has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health problems. One of major issue is obesity at younger age.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "child has".
Children has
all games and activities on computers and mobile phones. Beside obesity there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other health issues like heart problem, hearing issues and strokes has
been noticed
at quite younger age. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
students to attend work out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
, in Canada curriculum physical education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
compulsary
course in primary and secondary school level. Every school in North America has large and
fully
equipped gyms. Due to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
kids
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are involving
more in games and outdoor activities.

Another reason in favor of this view is that these subjects will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
overall
performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational games and supports too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of life. Playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
supports can create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
teamwork and cooperation. It is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way of creating confidence and sportsman ship in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. These all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build strong and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nation. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppertunities
for players.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose sports as their carrier.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
a strong nation and successful country.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Most of the schools are planning to replace sports and exercise classes with more academic sessions. What i s your opinion on this change? How is this change will affect children’s life in your view? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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