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Some people believe that students should immediately go on to college after completing high school. Others believe that students should take a year off between high school completion and starting college. Which approach do you think is better for students v.1

Some people believe that students should immediately go on to college after completing high school. Others believe that students should take a year off between high school completion and starting college. Which approach do you think is better for students v. 1
Education is not an opportunity that majority people in the world have and furthermore sometimes some individuals have the chance to entry into a college, but for many circumstances they cannot complete it and carry their diplomas, but in parallel with who got a complete curse they are more successful for some reasons that any college teach. In this essay I will give motives to explain why people can achieve more things who still studying. While some students still dealing and struggling with subject at their colleges, some of them decide to give up of the university and try to get positive results on their own and according with the magazine Forbes the top five young billionaires in the world not a half part has a diploma a reason of this is the power to believe in a dream and follow it, start from 0 but knowing they can make this effort worth, other requirement to get success I strongly believe is because they have strongly power of self esteem, confidence, determination, responsability and of course a good idea, the creator of Facebook had not finished his degree to achieve the place of one of more wealth in the society. Moreover, the success to some people could be wealth or to get famous and to others prosperity means to make a difference at some point, because we live a globalization planet and with the power of the technology the definition of victory is varied, a simply of that is Kylie Jenner, she is the first woman under to 21 to get the billionaire with her make up products and most of the this happened because she is really famous at social media just because she grew up in the a famous family. To sum up, the triumph is a great word and the majority of the population want to achieve it and sometimes they do not need a college degree to lead it, some quality is required but focus, vision and a great idea are fundamental.
Education is not an opportunity that majority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world have and
furthermore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals have the chance to entry into a college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circumstances they cannot complete it and carry their diplomas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in parallel with who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a complete curse they are more successful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that any college teach. In this essay I will give motives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can achieve more things who
still
studying.

While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students
still
dealing and struggling with subject at their colleges,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them decide to give up of the university and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
Did you mean: "according to"? according to: (as stated/in the opinion of)
according with
the magazine Forbes the top five young billionaires in the world not a half part has a diploma a reason of this is the power to believe in a dream and follow it,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from 0
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
knowing they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this effort worth, other requirement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success I
strongly
believe is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
strongly
power of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
, confidence, determination,
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsability
and
of course
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, the creator of Facebook had not finished his degree to achieve the place of one of more wealth in the society.

Moreover
, the success to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could be wealth or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and to others prosperity means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a globalization planet and with the power of the technology the definition of victory
is varied
, a
simply
of
that is
Kylie Jenner, she is the
first
woman under to 21 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the billionaire with her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up products and most of
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "the" or "this" is left.
the this
happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
at social media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she grew up in
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
family.

To sum up, the triumph is a great word and the majority of the population want to achieve it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they do not need a college degree to lead it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
is required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
focus, vision and a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
are fundamental.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that students should immediately go on to college after completing high school. Others believe that students should take a year off between high school completion and starting college. Which approach do you think is better for students v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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