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Your child is going on a school trip abroad for three days and the headmaster of the school has asked any parents if they would like to come along to assist. You would like to go. Write a letter to the headmaster. In your letter: Say why you would like to go Suggest what you could do to help during the trip Ask some further questions about the trip v.1

Your child is going on a school trip abroad for three days and the headmaster of the school has asked any parents if they would like to come along to assist. You would like to go. Write a letter to the headmaster. In your letter: Say why you would like to go Suggest what you could do to help during the trip Ask some further questions about the trip v. 1
Dear Mr Jenkins, I am just writing to say I'm so sorry you regarding the upcoming trip to Paris for which you are looking for people to accompany the children. I would be delighted to join the trip and to help out. I can help out during this time because I am currently off work for a few months and I would like to find something to fill up my free time, and this would be perfect. As you will know, I have helped the school out on a variety of events, such as at the school sports day last summer and also at the jumble sale just a few months ago, and I thoroughly enjoyed being of assistance. There are a number of things I could do to help out. I can come early in the morning to the school before we leave and make sure everybody is accounted for and on the bus. But of particular relevance is the fact that I can speak French and I know Paris quite well, so I will be able to assist with the day-to-day practicalities of moving the children around and going to the museums and other attractions that we will visit. There are, though, some things I would still like to know about and to clarify. Do you have an itinerary you can send me so I know what we are going to see whilst there? This will be useful as I can then prepare myself with some background reading. I also wondered what time exactly are you due to arrive back in the UK at the school? I have an event in the evening of the 15th when we are due to come back. Although I can miss it, I would like to let them know in advance if this will be the case. Thank you for considering my offer and I look forward to hearing from you, Yours sincerely [add a name]
Dear Mr Jenkins,

I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
writing to say I'm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sorry
Did you mean "you're regarding", "you are regarding", or "you were regarding"?
you regarding
the upcoming trip to Paris for which you are looking for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to accompany the children.

I would
be delighted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the trip and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
out.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
out during this time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am
currently
off work for a few months and I would like to find something to fill up my free time, and this would be perfect. As you will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
out on a variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, such as at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
sports day last summer and
also
at the jumble sale
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few months ago, and I
thoroughly
enjoyed being of assistance.

There are a number of things I could do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
out. I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
early in the morning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure everybody
is accounted
for and on the bus.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
of particular relevance is the fact that I can speak French and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
Paris quite well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I will be able to assist with the day-to-day practicalities of moving the children around and going to the museums and other attractions that we will visit.

There are, though,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things I would
still
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about and to clarify. Do you have an itinerary you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
what we are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
whilst there? This will be useful as I can then prepare myself with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
background reading. I
also
wondered what time exactly are you due to arrive back in the UK at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
? I have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in the evening of the 15th when we are due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back. Although I can miss it, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
in advance if this will be the case.

Thank you for considering my offer and I look forward to hearing from you,

Yours
sincerely


[
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a name]
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Your child is going on a school trip abroad for three days and the headmaster of the school has asked any parents if they would like to come along to assist. You would like to go. Write a letter to the headmaster. In your letter: Say why you would like to go Suggest what you could do to help during the trip Ask some further questions about the trip v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
323 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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