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Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theater and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement? v.4

Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theater and less time on sport. How far v. 4
It is often said that the youth of today should frequently engage in cultural activities such as music and theatre rather than sport. Personally, I partially agree with this view, as now will be discussed. On the one hand, participation of today’s youth in cultural activities can be seen as beneficial for their mental health. Cultural engagement may give many young people an effective way to take their mind off stressful situations. Thus, it could help their chances of stress and anxiety reduction. In addition, they are likely to experience an intense feeling of relaxation and happiness that comes after participating in a cultural activity. Watching a play at the theatre, for example, may allow the young audience to ease their mind as they often get so involved in it that they tend to forget about all the problems they are currently faced with and see how the story unfold, which could leave them feeling relaxed afterwards. Nevertheless, I believe that regular sport participation is just as important to the youth as cultural engagement since it could be advantageous to their physical health. Regular exercise could allow many young people to stay in shape as well as have more energy at work or school, which may help increase their productivity. For instance, since taking up swimming and badminton a year ago, I have felt so stronger and healthier than ever before that I have managed to stay productive and survive working long hours. In addition, compared to those with low levels of physical activity, physically active people are more likely to maintain a healthy weight. Thus, they would be able to prevent themselves from some life-threatening diseases, namely heart disease, obesity, diabetes, stroke, and high blood pressure. In conclusion, while cultural activities are necessary for young people’s mental health, I feel that taking part in sports should not be neglected for the sake of their physical fitness.
It is
often
said that the youth of
today
should
frequently
engage in
cultural
activities
such as music and
theatre
rather
than sport.
Personally
, I
partially
agree
with this view, as
now
will
be discussed
.

On the one hand, participation of
today
’s youth in
cultural
activities
can be
seen
as beneficial for their mental health.
Cultural
engagement may give
many
young
people
an effective way to take their mind off stressful situations.
Thus
, it could
help
their chances of
stress
and anxiety reduction.
In addition
, they are likely to experience an intense feeling of relaxation and happiness that
comes
after participating in a
cultural
activity
. Watching a play at the
theatre
,
for example
, may
allow
the
young
audience to
ease
their mind as they
often
get
so
involved in it that they tend to forget about all the problems they are
currently
faced with and
see
how the story unfold, which could
leave
them feeling relaxed afterwards.

Nevertheless
, I believe that regular sport participation is
just
as
important
to the youth as
cultural
engagement since it could be advantageous to their physical health. Regular exercise could
allow
many
young
people
to stay in shape
as well
as have more energy at work or school, which may
help
increase their productivity.
For instance
, since taking up swimming and badminton a year ago, I have felt
so
stronger and healthier than ever
before
that I have managed to stay productive and survive working long hours.
In addition
, compared to those with low levels of physical
activity
,
physically
active
people
are more likely to maintain a healthy weight.
Thus
, they would be able to
prevent
themselves from
some
life-threatening diseases,
namely
heart disease, obesity, diabetes, stroke, and high blood pressure.

In conclusion
, while
cultural
activities
are necessary for
young
people’s
mental health, I feel that taking part in sports should not
be neglected
for the sake of their physical fitness.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theater and less time on sport. How far v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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