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Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music theatre and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement?

Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theater and less time on sport. How far v. 2
Isn’t it unfortunate that in today’s society there are so many people who cannot go to the theatre don’t listen to many classic and natural music. I strongly belive that, although our music and theatre are very usefull for young people for If young people listen to music and go to the theatre, they will be become intellegant and responsible. For example our theatre full of kind of ancient and traditional things. Amazinating pictures, tools, clothes into films. Thay are know our customers and tradititon through these is things with. Futhermore, it is essentional to have a good knowledge of listen to music and go to the theatre. In addition to they will being grow up clever and country’s for loyal. On the other hand sport activities are very useful too. Because, firstly they healthy for and second they aren’t ill fast and they grow up well-built. All things considred, though, it seems to me that music and theatre importan things our life for, Without there are we don’t learn our country history.
Isn’t it unfortunate that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who cannot go to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
don’t listen to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
classic and natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I
strongly
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that, although our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
usefull
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for If young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and go to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, they will
be become
Possible spelling mistake found.
intellegant
and responsible.
For example
our
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
full of kind of ancient and traditional things.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amazinating
pictures, tools, clothes into films.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thay
are know our customers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tradititon
through
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "these am", "these are", "these aren"?
these is
things with.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
essentional
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge of listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and go to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
.
In addition
to they will being
Consider using a past participle here: "grown".
grow
up clever and country’s for loyal.

On the other hand
sport activities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
firstly
they healthy for and second they aren’t ill
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fast and
they grow up well-built.

All things
Possible spelling mistake found.
considred
, though, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
Possible spelling mistake found.
importan things
our life for, Without there are we don’t learn our country history.
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IELTS essay Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music theatre and less time on sport. How far

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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