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Today our lifestyle is changing rapidly and affects family relationships. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Today our lifestyle is changing rapidly and affects family relationships. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
The ongoing technology plays an important role in everyday life, a factor that affects family relationships. Using it can help promote or attenuate family relationships at the same time, depending on what way it is used. Nowadays, each family has adopted technology to strengthen relationships strongly because it is fast, saving money, convenient and easy. Progress has been a part of the transition to our way of life, so it is considered an important and necessary help. Communication that isn't just mail or telephone we use application programs like Facebook, Line, Skype. There is an advantage of the online conversation that you can see each other during the conversation and listen to the sound as you actually talk. You don't need to travel, that give you save time and money. Fast, cheap, comfortable and less time-consuming transportation makes it time for you to meet together. Online media is also an option used, such as games online, movies online, entertainment media, learning media, etc. There are a suitable for people of all ages who choose to benefit. As a result, the family has the opportunity to meet and exchange ideas. Another popular activity is to online shopping, just order and wait for it at home. These things help strengthen family relationships and are increasingly used in daily life. On the other side, there is a negative effect as a couple's infidelity, a divorce that is faster and more sensitive. Far apart from each other, fewer meetings and stimulator around them, instance using quick and easy access chat programs. In addition, easy access to the database can cause imitation of inappropriate behaviour and negatively affect oneself, family, along with social responsibility. As we often see today, such as nudity shows, Domestic violence, as well as immoral behaviour. Therefore, when we apply technology to an inappropriate daily lifestyle, it will have a different huge and less impact on family relationships. There are many good results if it used appropriately and properly. We have to be ready to handle with every change that will happen. Adapt into a lifestyle in a very useful way to yourself and be appropriate.
The ongoing technology plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in everyday life, a factor that affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. Using it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
promote or attenuate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
at the same time, depending on what way it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

Nowadays, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has adopted technology to strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
strongly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, saving money, convenient and easy. Progress has been a part of the transition to our way of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
is considered
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. Communication that isn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
mail or telephone we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
application programs like Facebook, Line, Skype. There is an advantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
conversation that you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each other during the conversation and listen to the sound as you actually talk. You don't need to travel, that give you save time and money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
, comfortable and less time-consuming transportation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it time for you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
media is
also
an option
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, such as games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, movies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, entertainment media, learning media, etc. There are a suitable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all ages who choose to benefit.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and exchange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. Another popular activity is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
order and wait for it at home. These things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
and are
increasingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in daily life.

On the other side, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect as a couple's infidelity, a divorce
that is
faster and more sensitive. Far apart from each other, fewer meetings and stimulator around them, instance using quick and easy access chat programs.
In addition
, easy access to the database can cause imitation of inappropriate
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
negatively
affect oneself,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, along with social responsibility. As we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, such as nudity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, Domestic violence,
as well
as immoral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Therefore
, when we apply technology to an inappropriate daily lifestyle, it will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
huge and less impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
appropriately
and
properly
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be ready to handle with every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
that will happen. Adapt into a lifestyle in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful way to yourself and be appropriate.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Today our lifestyle is changing rapidly and affects family relationships. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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