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young people know about international pop and movie stars but know less about famous historical people. what are the reasons of this trend and what can be done to solve this problem? v.2

young people know about international pop and movie stars but know less about famous historical people. what are the reasons of this trend and what can be done to solve this problem? v. 2
The young are more knowledgeable about the modern celebrities compared to historical ones. In this essay, some reasons attributed to this trend as well as some ways to keep the young generation informed about the famous people of the past will be proposed. To begin with, this trend can be explained in various ways. Firstly, the young, today, is obsessed in social media sites such ad Twitter, Facebook and Instagram where they follow the sites of the celebrities like pop and movie stars. For example, a recent study by Columbia university found that about 82% of the US teenagers are active in such sites being a regular follower of 15 stars on average. Thus, young people are more aware of the current celebrities and in comparison, they have little time to watch historical movies or visiting historical sites and museum which are the source of the past information. As a result, it is inevitable that they lack data about the history and be excessively concentrated on the modern stars. However, there are also some solutions to inform the young generation about the famous people of the past. Firstly, schools should be shouldered great responsibility to accomplish this task. More specifically such institutions should organize meetings with historical scientist, archaeologists, excursions to historic sites. By virtue of this, the young can accumulate more information about the historic personages and also develop a liking for history. In addition, more and more historical movies should be broadcasted on TV whose fans are mainly consisted of the young. By way of conclusion, imbalance of the knowledge the young possess in terms of celebrities in different period can be attributable to several reasons like excessive focus of young people on social sites and can also be addressed in various ways like increased number of travels and movies about the history
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
are more knowledgeable about the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
ones. In this essay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons attributed to this trend
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation informed about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the past will
be proposed
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, this trend can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
is obsessed
in social media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
such ad Twitter, Facebook and Instagram where they follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
like pop and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
stars.
For example
, a recent study by
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Columbia university
found that about 82% of the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are active in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
being a regular follower of 15 stars on average.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and
in comparison
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and museum which are the source of the past information.
As a result
, it is inevitable that they lack data about the history and be
excessively
concentrated on the modern stars.

However
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to inform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the past.
Firstly
, schools should
be shouldered
great responsibility to accomplish this task. More
specifically
such institutions should organize meetings with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
scientist, archaeologists, excursions to historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. By virtue of this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
can accumulate more information about the historic personages and
also
develop a liking for history.
In addition
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
should
be broadcasted
on TV whose fans are
mainly
consisted of the young.

By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of conclusion, imbalance of the knowledge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
possess in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
period can be attributable to several reasons like excessive focus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and can
also
be addressed
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
like increased number of travels and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
about the history
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay young people know about international pop and movie stars but know less about famous historical people. what are the reasons of this trend and what can be done to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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