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young people know about international pop and movie stars but know less about famous historical people. what are the reasons of this trend and what can be done to solve this problem? v.1

young people know about international pop and movie stars but know less about famous historical people. what are the reasons of this trend and what can be done to solve this problem? v. 1
These days, missing famous historical people is becoming a concern in the city-centric life. Younger generations tend to be interested with famous movie stars or actors. Knowing our popular people who lived throughout their lives to form a country is really important so that we can build our future. I will examine some reasons and give some solutions to this issue. To begin with, there are some factors why young citizens can not recognize their historical people. They tend to think that studying this is not necessary. It is because that this subject is not a primary, and it is a fact that learning history is not more essential than mathematics or science and so on. Another reason is that most tv programs do not contain any historical channels. Nowadays. Young ages are exposed a lot of comedy shows, music programs. And sorts of dramas. As a result, many numbers of young people do not have knowledge of history. One of the solutions is that they government makes a regulation to enhance the knowledge of history in children. For an instant, they make a rule that children should take this subject once a day. According to some studies, the number of students has been increasing by around 30 percent since school let children to study about the past once a day. Another solution is that the government makes a regulation to make more historical channels. A lot of students are watching tv and if it contains many kinds of historical programs, they will be exposed to a lot of these programs and they will improve their knowledge about famous historian. In conclusion, the government should encourage children to watch more past channels and make them to study more about past subject than the past.
These days, missing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
becoming a concern in the city-centric life. Younger generations tend to
be interested
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
movie stars or actors. Knowing our popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to form a country is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can build our future. I will examine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors why young citizens can not recognize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that studying this is not necessary. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that this subject is not a primary, and it is a fact that learning history is not more essential than mathematics or science and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Another reason is that most
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
do not contain any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
channels. Nowadays. Young ages
are exposed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
comedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. And sorts of dramas.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
numbers of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have knowledge of history.

One of the solutions is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a regulation to enhance the knowledge of history in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. For an instant, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should take this subject once a day. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies, the number of students has been increasing by around 30 percent since school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
once a day. Another solution is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a regulation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
channels.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
students are watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and if it contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, they will
be exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
programs and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
historian.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
channels and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them to study more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
subject than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay young people know about international pop and movie stars but know less about famous historical people. what are the reasons of this trend and what can be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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