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The table below gives information about consumers spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. v.1

The table below gives information about consumers spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. v. 1
These days, modern people are keen to criticize the plan of the cities, as the layout of the amenities is not suitable for many people who likes sports centres and parks. In this regard, city dwellers believe that the authorities should divide enough space for these facilities. However, others feel that business districts and shopping malls are more crucial. Personally, in my opinion, the government should build enough sport facilities for local residents. On the one hand, it is true that nowadays, many individuals are willing to keep themselves fit. In this regard, it is reasonable to build public parks and sport facilities, where the citizens can do exercises such as jogging, swimming and boxing. Furthermore, these city amenities can be a popular tourist destination. To illustrate, the football stadiums are attracting many fans from the whole world in Spain, and their local football clubs are very popular among the youngsters and adults. In addition, they are earning money for the governmental budget. On the other hand, although parks and gyms give the town dwellers all kinds of benefits, I would like to point out the importance of shopping malls to the distinct. Firstly, shopping centres could make trade more convenient for the local residents. Secondly, these commercial buildings will also employ many individuals. Furthermore, these places can become a popular tourist spot, because they show the culture and art of the local communities to the foreign people. In conclusion, although shopping malls serve as places for trading and social activities for city dwellers, personally, I believe that parks and sports facilities are equally important, since they can improve the health of the local residents. In addition, they can attract the tourists, if the governors can invest the money to this field
These days, modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are keen to criticize the plan of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, as the layout of the amenities is not suitable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "like"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
likes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
. In this regard, city dwellers believe that the authorities should divide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space for these facilities.
However
, others feel that business districts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls are more crucial.
Personally
, in my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents.

On the one hand, it is true that nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves fit. In this regard, it is reasonable to build public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities, where the citizens can do exercises such as jogging, swimming and boxing.
Furthermore
, these city amenities can be a popular tourist destination. To illustrate, the football stadiums are attracting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fans from the whole world in Spain, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
football clubs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among the youngsters and adults.
In addition
, they are earning money for the governmental budget.

On the other hand
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and gyms give the town dwellers all kinds of benefits, I would like to point out the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls to the distinct.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
trade more convenient for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents.
Secondly
, these commercial buildings will
also
employ
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals.
Furthermore
, these places can become a popular tourist spot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the culture and art of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities to the foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls serve as places for trading and social activities for city dwellers,
personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, since they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents.
In addition
, they can attract the tourists, if the governors can invest the money to this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
field
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below gives information about consumers spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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