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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology makes kids less creative than in the past. v.776

Technology makes kids less creative than in the past. v. 776
Technology today is a fundamental part of the life. It helps in everything in our life, work, study and personal issues as well. In addition, Technology is really helpful and makes the life less challenging. Also, it plays a critical role in children life as well as adults life, they use it in their homework, assignments, and playing. Some people think it improves kids quality of life and education. While others believe it has bad impacts on kids especially in young ages. Personally, I think Technology has bad influences on children and its consequences on their life would be horrible if they used it without parents supervision or control. Kids today used to use technology all the time. When some kids meet together for a play date or family gathering, each on would hold his I pad or any other devices and play. So they do not play together, do not play outside, running or jumping as the kids in the past used to do. Furthermore, this lifestyle makes them lost a lot of important milestones in their childhood, they missed playing, exploring and adventuring. The kids already have huge power, so to be healthy kids; they have to use their energy appropriately, in order to be healthy grownups in the future. Recent researches assert on the importance of playing on kids, and the dangerous of using their device all the time on their minds and spirits. Using Technology all the time makes kids so lazy and tend to do everything in sitting situation. That in turn, increases the percentage of obesity between children way more than in the past. So, that would increase the possibility of getting a lot of childhood illness at early ages. Always doctors advice parents to encourage their children to play at least two hours per day to improve their health and prevent any possible illness. Admittedly, it is true that Technology supports kids imaginations and makes them enjoying and having fun, but to get benefits from technology, parents have to set a time for their kids and do not allow them to use it randomly. By setting a time kids can take the maximum advantage of using technology and at the same time enjoy other activities. All specialists say it is important for parents to reduce their kid' s screen time to maximum two hours a day to prevent the bad consequences of the abuse of technology. In sum, technology is a crucial part of our life. Although its abuse leads to dramatic effects on our life particularly kids life, so we have to be aware and know how to use it and how to let our kids used it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is a fundamental part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in everything in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, work, study and personal issues
as well
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is
really
helpful and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
less challenging.
Also
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a critical role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in their homework, assignments, and playing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and education.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others believe it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
especially
in young ages.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and its consequences on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would be horrible if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
supervision or control.

Kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
together for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
date or family gathering, each on would hold his I pad or any other devices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
together, do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside, running or jumping as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do.
Furthermore
, this lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
milestones in their childhood, they missed playing, exploring and adventuring. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
already have huge power,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to be healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
; they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their energy
appropriately
, in order to be healthy grownups in the future. Recent researches assert on the importance of playing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
of using their device all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their minds and spirits.

Using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
lazy and tend to do everything in sitting situation. That in turn, increases the percentage of obesity between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
way more than in the past.
“So , that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, that
would increase the possibility of getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
childhood illness at early ages. Always doctors advice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
at least two hours per day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any possible illness.

Admittedly
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
imaginations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them enjoying and having fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
set a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
randomly
. By setting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can take the maximum advantage of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
enjoy other activities. All specialists say it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
kid&
#039; s screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to maximum two hours a day to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
consequences of the abuse of technology.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a crucial part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although its abuse leads to dramatic effects on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
particularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware and know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Technology makes kids less creative than in the past. v. 776

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
446 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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