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Do you agree or disagrees with the following statement? it is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. v.2

it is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. v. 2
Everyone today since the childhood absorbs information about different things around them. At the beginNing of the education journEy in the elementAry school, educators prefer teaching students about everything. Then, with the time they tend to teach them more specific information regarding each subject. Finally, in the collages and universities students specialized in one field and choose their career. Some people prefer to continue in learIng diffErent subject, while others assert it is too important to specialize in one thing. Personally, I believe in focusing on just one subject in order to be professional in that career. First of all, the most important thing now a day is getting a good job. To get their dream job, steady job with fancy salary and full benefits, people must be professional, with high level of knowledge in their career. In order to be able to compete in job marketing and persuade the hiring manager that he/she is the correct person for this job. All that need professioncy in their career and that would not happen unless they focus on one subject and dig deep in it to be a high skilled person in his career. To state it more clearly, Job advisors usually encourage work-looking people to focus on their skills at the first place because this is the determining point in choosing the employee and all other skills come after. Additionally, trying to study more than one subject and be a full-skilled person in them is just wasting of time. Furthermore, humans ability to concentrate on many subjects is low. So, doing that need super power and lead to make the person stressed and overwhelmed all the time. Which in turn, hold him back and prevent him from reaching his goal. Recent newspaper report talked about experience had been doing by some researchers, in this experience, they followed two group of people the first group focused on one field and another group studied more than one subject. Finally, they discovered that the first group did way better, they were more successful even in their personal life than the second group. Admittedly, sometimes people have to know about different subjects to widen their mind and be successful in their life. Besides, that may open new windows in their future. Despite the benefits, people have to be wise in their choosing of any new subject to study and put the benefits against risk and decide. Actully, it is too hard to find such kind of balance but it worth the try. Finally, focusing on one subject is more helpful in people life, easier, and bring great outcome rather than distracting themselves with different subjects. Sometimes it is important to have kind of casual knowledge about other subjects, may be related to their majors, but they have to be aware and keep focusing on their career to get the best results.
Everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
since the childhood absorbs information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things around them. At the
Possible spelling mistake found.
beginNing
of the education
Possible spelling mistake found.
journEy
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
elementAry
school, educators prefer teaching students about everything. Then, with the time they tend to teach them more specific information regarding each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
Finally
, in the collages and universities students specialized in one field and choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to continue in
Possible spelling mistake found.
learIng
Possible spelling mistake found.
diffErent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, while others assert it is too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to specialize in one thing.
Personally
, I believe in focusing on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in order to be professional in that career.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day is getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, steady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with fancy salary and full benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be professional, with high level of knowledge in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. In order to be able to compete in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
marketing and persuade the hiring manager that he/she is the correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. All that need
Possible spelling mistake found.
professioncy
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and that would not happen unless they focus on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and dig deep in it to be a high skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. To state it more
clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
advisors
usually
encourage work-looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to focus on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at the
first
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is the determining point in choosing the employee and all other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
after.

Additionally
, trying to study more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and be a full-skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in them is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wasting of time.
Furthermore
, humans ability to concentrate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is low.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, doing that need super power and lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and overwhelmed all the time. Which in turn, hold him back and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
him from reaching his goal. Recent newspaper report talked about experience had been doing by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers, in this experience, they followed two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
focused on one field and another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
studied more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
Finally
, they discovered that the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
did way better, they were more successful even in their personal life than the second group.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to widen their mind and be successful in their life.
Besides
, that may open new windows in their future. Despite the benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be wise in their choosing of any new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
to study and put the benefits against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and decide.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Actully
, it is too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find such kind of balance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
worth the try.

Finally
, focusing on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is more helpful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life, easier, and bring great outcome
rather
than distracting themselves with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have kind of casual knowledge about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, may
be related
to their majors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
focusing on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best results.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay it is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
477 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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