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Essay: Many people say that the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measures can be done to address those problems? v.2

Essay: Many people say that the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measures can be done to address those problems? v. 2
It is believed that the gap between the rich and the poor have been becoming wider. This situation have been causing many problems not only in the developing countries but also in the wealthy nations. And there are some solutions that can be carried to tackle those problems as well. The first consequences caused by global rich-poor gap widening is the acceleration of crime rates in society. When individuals who are extremely poor fail to cover their basic needs in life, such as shelters and food, they are usually forced to commit crimes such as burglaries or robberies to have sufficient money in order to support themselves and their families. When this situation becomes worse, it leads to social unrest and political instability. The second problems brought about by economic inequality is the unfairness for people living below the poverty line. For example, while young people coming from a prosperous family often easily have a chance to study abroad at leading universities in the world, many poor ones almost can not access the average quality education in their own countries. As a result, good education opportunities turn out to be a luxury thing which only the wealthy can afford. To address above problems, firstly, governments should provide financial and job opportunity supports for impoverished people. It will allow them to increase their living standards, provides them a chance to make a living by themselves and prevents them become criminals. This measure would be financed by imposing more tax on the rich. Secondly, it is necessary for the government to offer special educational opportunities such as full scholarships to students who have poverty-stricken backgrounds, which would enable them to continue their studies even when their parents could not pay for their tuition fees. When the youth in need are well-educated, their are more likely to find good jobs and escape the cycle of poverty. The burden on society would be minimized as the unemployment rate is reduced and the rich-poor gap is narrowed. In conclusion, the economic inequality is widening in many countries by many reasons, but by finding the main issues and tackle them, governments could diminish the gap between rich and poor.
It
is believed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the rich and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
have been becoming wider.
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "This situation has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This situation have
been causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in the wealthy nations. And there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions that can
be carried
to tackle those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as well
.

The
first
consequences caused by global rich-poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
widening is the acceleration of crime rates in society. When individuals who are
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
fail to cover their basic needs in life, such as shelters and food, they are
usually
forced to commit crimes such as burglaries or robberies to have sufficient money in order to support themselves and their families. When this situation becomes worse, it leads to social unrest and political instability. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
brought about by economic inequality is the unfairness for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living below the poverty line.
For example
, while young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
coming from a prosperous family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
easily
have a chance to study abroad at leading universities in the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
ones almost can not access the average quality education in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education opportunities turn out to be a luxury thing which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the wealthy can afford.

To address above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should provide financial and job opportunity supports for impoverished
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to increase their living standards, provides them a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living by themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them become criminals. This measure would
be financed
by imposing more tax on the rich.
Secondly
, it is necessary for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to offer special educational opportunities such as full scholarships to students who have poverty-stricken backgrounds, which would enable them to continue their studies even when their parents could not pay for their tuition fees. When the youth in need are well-educated,
Did you mean "there"?
their
are more likely to find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs and escape the cycle of poverty. The burden on society would
be minimized
as the unemployment rate is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and the rich-poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
is narrowed
.

In conclusion
, the economic inequality is widening in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by finding the main issues and tackle them,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could diminish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between rich and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay: Many people say that the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measures can be done to address those problems? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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