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Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age. This is called "peer pressure". Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? v.1

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age. This is called "peer pressure". Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? v. 1
It is true that many young people are easily influenced by their peers. While I accept that this can sometimes have a positive effect on children, I believe that it is more likely to have a harmful impact. On the one hand, the influence from peers can sometimes be beneficial to youngsters. First, peer pressure might help young adults reflect on their actions and amend their ways to become a better individual. Observing others working hard to achieve their goals will definitely encourage teenagers to put more effort into their own targets. For instance, when a teenager knows that his teammates are practising hard to become better basketball players, it will directly affect his own performance. Second, peer pressure can provide wider perspectives on the world young people are living in. The most efficient way to acquire new knowledge and useful skills is to learn from the peers that they socialize with. On the other hand, peer pressure can be a very destructive force. Mixing with bad company means that teenagers can be influenced by bad habits such as taking drugs, smoking and drinking. Furthermore, peer pressure can discourage adolescents from thinking independently. In some cases, they have to think and act like the whole group or they may even have to seek acceptance from their peers before making up their mind. Extreme peer pressure may lead youngsters to follow what their peers feel is right, resulting in a loss of independence in thought and behaviour. To sum up, I feel that peer pressure has more negative impact, even though it can sometimes be beneficial to the all-round development of an individual.
It is true that
many
young
people
are
easily
influenced by their
peers
. While I accept that this can
sometimes
have a
positive
effect on children, I believe that it is more likely to have a harmful impact.

On the one hand, the influence from
peers
can
sometimes
be beneficial to youngsters.
First
,
peer
pressure
might
help
young adults reflect on their actions and amend their ways to become a better individual. Observing others working
hard
to achieve their goals will definitely encourage
teenagers
to put more effort into their
own
targets.
For instance
, when a
teenager
knows that his teammates are
practising
hard
to become better basketball players, it will
directly
affect his
own
performance. Second,
peer
pressure
can provide wider perspectives on the world young
people
are living in. The most efficient way to acquire new knowledge and useful
skills
is to learn from the
peers
that they socialize with.

On the other hand
,
peer
pressure
can be a
very
destructive force. Mixing with
bad
company
means that
teenagers
can
be influenced
by
bad
habits such as taking drugs, smoking and drinking.
Furthermore
,
peer
pressure
can discourage adolescents from thinking
independently
. In
some
cases, they
have to
think
and act like the whole
group or
they may even
have to
seek acceptance from their
peers
before
making up their mind. Extreme
peer
pressure
may lead youngsters to follow what their
peers
feel is right, resulting in a loss of independence in
thought
and
behaviour
.

To sum up, I feel that
peer
pressure
has more
negative
impact,
even though
it can
sometimes
be beneficial to the all-round development of an individual.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age. This is called "peer pressure". Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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