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Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty, and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your opinion? v.2

Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty, and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your opinion? v. 2
Learning foreign languages increases the learning potential of an individual. A child's learning ability is at a maximum. Some experts believe that foreign languages should be taught in primary rather than secondary school. I too believe that this development has benefits as well as drawbacks. Firstly, children grasp better than teenagers or adults. . For instance an adolescent learns his/her mother tongue as an infant. There are no written scripts taught to them. On the basis of listening skills the child is able to learn it. But when he/she becomes an adult finds difficult to grasp new foreign languages. This is due to the fact that infants have a higher listening potential than adults. Therefore, children learn faster than adults. Secondly, Primary school children are provided with better attention than secondary school children. Since primary schools have few subjects to learn they can focus on one language at a time. For example, Primary school children are taught subjects such as English, Mathematics, Environmental Studies. But secondary schools have to study many additional subjects as well as grades. Hence, foreign languages can be learnt with much more attention in primary schools. Learning foreign languages in primary schools has its drawbacks as well. Teachers who teach foreign languages in primary school should be of high calibre otherwise, it will be difficult for children to understand the language in higher classes. Also, when students change schools in higher classes they will find it difficult to grasp the taught languages in other schools. On the contrary, the major focus should be given to their interest. If the child is not interested in learning a foreign language he may not be able to grasp the language. In conclusion, Anything which encourages language learning ability benefits the society and culturally and economically, and early exposure to language learning contribute to this. Young children's innate abilities should be harnessed to make this benefit more achievable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
potential of an individual. A child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
ability is at a maximum.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
should
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
rather
than secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Consider using commas to set off 'too', if you want to emphasize an abrupt change of thought.
I too
believe that this development has benefits
as well
as drawbacks.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grasp better than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
or adults.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
For instance
an adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learns
his/her mother tongue as an infant. There are no written scripts taught to them. On the basis of listening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
the child is able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when he/she becomes an adult finds difficult to grasp new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
This is due to the fact that
infants have a higher listening potential than adults.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
faster than adults.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are provided
with better attention than secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have few subjects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
they can focus on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at a time.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
subjects such as English, Mathematics, Environmental Studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
additional subjects
as well
as grades.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
with much more attention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
schools.

Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
has its drawbacks
as well
. Teachers who teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should be of high
Possible spelling mistake. 'calibre' is British English.
calibre
otherwise
, it will be difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in higher classes.
Also
, when students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in higher classes they will find it difficult to grasp the taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
On the contrary
, the major focus should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to their interest.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the child is not interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
he may not be able to grasp the language.

In conclusion
, Anything which encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
ability benefits the society and
culturally
and
economically
, and early exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to contribute"
contribute
to this. Young children's innate abilities should
be harnessed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this benefit more achievable.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty, and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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