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In some countries a few people earn extremely high salary some people think this is good for a country while others believe that the government should control saleries and limit the amount People can. -Discuss both point of view and give your opinion v.1

In some countries a few people earn extremely high salary some people think this is good for a country while others believe that the government should control saleries and limit the amount People can. - 1
There is no doubt that the retirement age of people in an organisation is a controversial issue. It is argued that companies should relieve workers who are 55 years in order to give room for the younger generation. Personally, I completely agree with this viewpoint because of its many benefits. In this era, it is important for organisations to retire older people of 55 years and above to give room for younger ones who have modern ideas that can push a company forward. This is because, older people may still practice ancient routines which might not appeal to the public. Furthermore, employing younger people will in fact encourage a balanced population of young and middle ages, which is important to drive performance and diversity in the workplace. For instance, a recent survey carried out in Access bank shows that most of the innovative ideas brought forward were made by younger people within the age bracket of 25 to 30. An argument brought forward by critics is that relieving people based on their ages are an unfair practice because some elderly people might still need to earn more money to cater for their family. However, I would argue that at the 55 years old, many adults should have saved money enough to sustain them. In addition, retiring people at this age will give them ample time to rest and spend time with family. To illustrate, my grandfather retired from Guaranty bank at 55 years old, this afforded him with enough time to send with his grandkids. Finally, retiring older people in a company will reduce the number of unemployed youths in the society. For instance, a local survey reveals that many people will not retire if there was no age-limit, and this could hinder the employment of young adults. In conclusion, I strongly agree that there should be an age limit to retirement of people in an organisation to give younger people a chance to showcase their ideas and to reduce job unemployment.
There is no doubt that the retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
is a controversial issue. It
is argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should relieve workers who are 55 years in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
room for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.

In this era, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
to retire older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of 55 years and above to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
room for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
ones who have modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that can push a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
forward. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
still
practice ancient routines which might not appeal to the public.
Furthermore
, employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will in fact encourage a balanced population of young and middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to drive performance and diversity in the workplace.
For instance
, a recent survey carried out in Access bank
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that most of the innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
brought forward
were made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
bracket of 25 to 30.

An argument brought forward by critics is that relieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
are an unfair practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
still
need to earn more money to cater for their family.
However
, I would argue that at the 55 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults should have saved money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to sustain them.
In addition
, retiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them ample time to rest and spend time with family. To illustrate, my grandfather retired from Guaranty bank at 55 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, this afforded him with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
with his
Possible spelling mistake found.
grandkids
.

Finally
, retiring older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of unemployed youths in the society.
For instance
, a local survey reveals that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not retire if there was no age-limit, and this could hinder the employment of young adults.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there should be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit to retirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a chance to showcase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
job unemployment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries a few people earn extremely high salary some people think this is good for a country while others believe that the government should control saleries and limit the amount People can. - 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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