Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities What are the reasons Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages v.1

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities What are the reasons Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages v. 1
Nowadays, It is easy for you to witness a significant increase in the amount of environmental issue whenever you turn on your television or thump through the pages of newspapers. Those problems are negatively influencing the earth. Nevertheless, we still can protect our planet, if we know how to change our lifestyle with effective measures. I totally agree with that, and this essay I will demonstrate our view with clear examples. Foremost of all, Humans are intelligent creatures and their demands are endless. They are continuing to exploit and utilize natural resources in waste way, especially using plastic bags and releasing CO2 are mainly cause global warming and greenhouse effect. They don’t care much about that, they believe that what they are doing with the environment is inevitable. We can save the planet with our single action such as replacing air conditioner with electric fans to reduce the amounts of CO2 released out environment, or using paper bags when you go shopping. It is necessary to raise public awareness, every our action also impact to the environment. It is negative or positive impact based on your awareness. Another reason why I support this view is that we can preserve out planet by using renewable energy such as wind, solar, water power, tidal and so on. That is a clean and infinite resource. When we use those resources, that will limit hazardous emissions like petroleum, coal, natural gas from factories or individuals. Moreover, you can reduce air pollution by planting green trees, they will absorb CO2. Therefore, the Government should encourage resident to plant green trees on the street which will minimize the smoking from vehicles, or even you can make your house be more clean and fresh by locating some tree pots on your balcony. In short, there is nothing wrong with what they are doing with the environment is our future. From now we need to change our mind, raise our awareness, form using friendly products habbit. I believe that together we can the the world.
Nowadays, It is easy for you to witness a significant increase in the amount of environmental issue whenever you turn on your television or thump through the pages of newspapers. Those problems are
negatively
influencing the earth.
Nevertheless
, we
still
can protect our planet, if we know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our lifestyle with effective measures. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that, and this essay I will demonstrate our view with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
examples.

Foremost of all, Humans are intelligent creatures and their demands are endless. They are continuing to exploit and utilize natural resources in waste way,
especially
using plastic bags and releasing CO2 are
mainly
Consider using a past participle here: "caused".
cause
global warming and greenhouse effect. They don’t care much about that, they believe that what they are doing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is inevitable. We can save the planet with our single action such as replacing air conditioner with electric fans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amounts of CO2 released out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, or using paper bags when you go shopping. It is necessary to raise public awareness,
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our action" or "every action"?
every our action
also
impact to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact based on your awareness.

Another reason why I support this view is that we can preserve out planet by using renewable energy such as wind, solar, water power, tidal and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
That is
a clean and infinite resource. When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those resources, that will limit hazardous emissions like petroleum, coal, natural gas from factories or individuals.
Moreover
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
air pollution by planting green trees, they will absorb CO2.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should encourage resident to plant green trees on the street which will minimize the smoking from vehicles, or even you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
be more clean and fresh by locating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tree pots on your balcony.

In short, there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with what they are doing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is our future. From
The comma is probably missing here: "now, we".
now we
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our mind, raise our awareness, form using friendly products
Possible spelling mistake found.
habbit
. I believe that together we can
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
world.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities What are the reasons Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts