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Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? v.10

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. with the statement? v. 10
Whether or not the authorities should do expenses in the improvement of the rail infrastructure instead of roads has become a controversial issue. This essay disagrees with the given statement. Since there are large networks of roads so the emphasis must be on the development of the concrete paths. To commence with, it is well known that in most of the countries of the world, even the developed ones, roads are a much wider networks than rails and it would be wrong to invest all the money in the railway department. Because in the remote areas where there are no railway lines, people would be deprived of the resources if no attention is paid to the development of roads. For instance, in India, rail lines are not much widely spread so it would not benefit the whole population. Therefore it should be the responsibility of the government to take a balanced approach despite taking a singular perspective. Another reason is that road transport is a good means of transporting a variety of materials to different parts of the country. There is no doubt that with the better transportation facilities, at present plenty of substance are within the reach of a vast majority of people. For instance, Wheat, which is the major production of the state, Punjab and Haryana, in the northern part of my country, India, is transported to the other regions of the nation with the help of heavy vehicles, such as Truck. To elucidate, it is not at all appropriate to shift the funds towards the betterment of railways directly. In conclusion, although it is a question of debate where the regimes should allocate funds, total shifting of money in improving the rail system is generally not considered right. I believe that government must look into the matter seriously and it would be advantageous to adopt a balanced view.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
the authorities should do expenses in the improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
infrastructure
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
has become a controversial issue. This essay disagrees with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. Since there are large networks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the emphasis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be on the development of the concrete paths.

To commence with, it is well known that in most of the countries of the world, even the developed ones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are a much wider networks than rails and it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to invest all the money in the railway department.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
in the remote areas where there are no railway lines,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
be deprived
of the resources if no attention
is paid
to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
For instance
, in India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
lines are not much
widely
spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would not benefit the whole population.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it should be the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to take a balanced approach despite taking a singular perspective.

Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
transport is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
means of transporting a variety of materials to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the country. There is no doubt that with the better transportation facilities, at present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of substance are within the reach of a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, Wheat, which is the major production of the state, Punjab and Haryana, in the northern part of my country, India,
is transported
to the other regions of the nation with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of heavy vehicles, such as Truck. To elucidate, it is not at all appropriate to shift the funds towards the betterment of railways
directly
.

In conclusion
, although it is a question of debate where the regimes should allocate funds, total shifting of money in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
system is
generally
not considered right. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
look into the matter
seriously
and it would be advantageous to adopt a balanced view.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. with the statement? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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