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Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v.3

Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 3
Nowadays, new generation is keen to emigrate to the cities in order to get a job or study, especially, rural dwellers are willing to move to the Megacities. The reasons of this tend is varied. Some youngsters migrate to the big cities for educational purposes, while other people want to get a well-paid job. However, in many cases, job seekers cannot find an employment. In this reason, some people believe that staying at home is a better solution. On the plus side, there are ample evidences that show moving to big cities is beneficial for young people. Firstly, big cities provides many job opportunities foe talented people because there are plenty of multinational companies which want to hire young talents. Secondly, youngsters can pursue further studies in some fields like Management, Science or Economics in well-known Universities which are not present in rural areas and develop their skills in these subjects. It helps them to get a better job in the future. However, the downside cannot be ignored. The axiomatic argument is concerned with rural development. Migrating young generation to big cities leads to decline skill labor. So growth and progress in rural areas are not done appropriately. Moreover, migrating to big towns has many problems such as huge living expenses, lack of money, accommodation and living away from parents and friends. In conclusion, most of the people in rural areas tend to move to big cities for reasons related to their career and their education. Although there are some disadvantages, we cannot deny that the individuals and society are benefiting much from this phenomenon.
Nowadays, new generation is keen to emigrate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or study,
especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
dwellers are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Megacities
. The reasons of this tend
is varied
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
youngsters migrate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for educational purposes, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers cannot find an employment. In this reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that staying at home is a better solution.

On the plus side, there are ample evidences that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is beneficial for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities foe talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which want to hire young talents.
Secondly
, youngsters can pursue
further
studies in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields like Management, Science or Economics in well-known Universities which are not present in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas and develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in these subjects. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the future.

However
, the downside cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. The axiomatic argument
is concerned
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
development. Migrating young generation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
leads to decline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
labor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
growth and progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas are not done
appropriately
.
Moreover
, migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
towns has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems such as huge living expenses, lack of money, accommodation and living away from parents and friends.

In conclusion
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for reasons related to their career and their education. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, we cannot deny that the individuals and society are benefiting much from this phenomenon.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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