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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.10

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 10
Spare time is becoming a rare commodity, especially for children, with their increasingly demanding academic schedules. Some believe that they should be advised to spend this time on group activities, while others think that it would be better to spend time alone. In my opinion, this is very individualistic, and depends upon what the child needs to become a well-rounded adult. On the one hand, group activities encourage children to socialize, and teaches them the importance of teamwork. For instance, being a member of the school band would bring together those who have similar interests, making it easier to form friendships. In addition to this, the process of learning how to play different instruments to produce one, cohesive melody, would emphasize the importance of working in synch with those around us. In most groups, working together to achieve their shared goals engenders camaraderie and a sense of belonging. On the other hand, spending time alone would give the child an opportunity to enjoy their own company, as well as cultivate their own individual interests. There are usually times in most peoples lives when they are alone, and thus, should not feel like they are at a loss for what to do. For example, they could use this time to reflect on their day and process the day’s events and process their emotions about it. Or, they could nurture their hobbies, such as reading, painting, or writing, which are more solitary activities. In my opinion, we must strike a balance between the two. If the child is introverted, participating in more groups would help them gain the social skills they need. On the other hand, if they tend to spend most of their time around people, spending more quality time with themselves, doing something they love, would serve them well. In conclusion, spending time in groups or alone depends upon the needs of the child. Parents should carefully consider the different facets of their child’s personality, and decide whether they need to socialize, or improve their self-sufficiency.
Spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is becoming a rare commodity,
especially
for children, with their
increasingly
demanding academic schedules.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that they should
be advised
to spend this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would be better to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
. In my opinion, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
individualistic, and depends upon what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to become a well-rounded adult.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities encourage children to socialize, and teaches them the importance of teamwork.
For instance
, being a member of the school band would bring together those who have similar interests, making it easier to form friendships.
In addition
to this, the process of learning how to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
instruments to produce one, cohesive melody, would emphasize the importance of working in synch with those around us. In most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, working together to achieve their shared goals engenders camaraderie and a sense of belonging.

On the other hand
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
would give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
an opportunity to enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
as well
as cultivate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
individual interests. There are
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in most peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
, and
thus
, should not feel like they are at a loss for what to do.
For example
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to reflect on their day and process the day’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and process their emotions about it. Or, they could nurture their hobbies, such as reading, painting, or writing, which are more solitary activities.

In my opinion, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strike a balance between the two. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is introverted
, participating in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
On the other hand
, if they tend to spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
around
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, spending more quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with themselves, doing something they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, would serve them well.

In conclusion
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Parents should
carefully
consider the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
facets of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
personality, and decide whether they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to socialize, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their self-sufficiency.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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