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Young people are leaving countryside to live in cities and towns leaving old people in countrysidewhat are the problemswhat are the solutions v.2

Young people are leaving countryside to live in cities and towns leaving old people in countrysidewhat are the problemswhat are the solutions v. 2
As the employment plays an increasingly more central role in our life, it has been suggested that there is an unprecedented change in relations among communities by not only leaving hometowns, but also leaving the parents. Although, it is obvious that this proposition has many implications, there are certain approaches to eradicate this issue. The main reason for this attitude in several individuals is, urbanization and industrialization, there are more jobs created in cities and town than villages, millennial that are educated look-out for jobs for future course, which makes them to navigate towards major developed places. Even though, technology has grown up in terms of quantity, the quality of personal touch has its place on the peak of the mountain. People who left their homes to work at cities, uses WhatsApp and Skype to communicate with their families, but the face-to-face interaction is at lowest level. This makes both the older generation and current generation people alienated from each other. Moreover, this tendency of leaving brought-up places will lead to underdevelopment of that place and this phenomenon influences other also, therefore, underdevelopment of villages are the prominent cause of this evil problem. Nevertheless, this assertion can be shunned by many alternative solutions, one of them is to improve living standards that could be attributed to the change in lifestyle in villages, so that students who finished their education will work at the place where they grown-up. An another solution is to establish corporate sectors in underdeveloped sites. Governments should encourage or rather order companies to set-up their industries in villages, so that, the place will be developed. This generation in contrast, should tend to work at their place instead of isolating the family. Despite there are many employment opportunities, good education and better healthcare in metro cites or towns, there will be devastating effects among the relations if they leave the elderly. As a solution there should be an adequate amount of employment and better standards of living should be developed in the countryside as par with towns so that they can never leave them.
As the employment plays an
increasingly
more central role in our life, it has
been suggested
that there is an unprecedented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in relations among communities by not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
leaving hometowns,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
leaving the parents. Although, it is obvious that this proposition has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
implications, there are certain approaches to eradicate this issue.

The main reason for this attitude in several individuals is, urbanization and industrialization, there are more jobs created in cities and town than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
, millennial that
are educated
look-out for jobs for future course, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to navigate towards major developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Even though
, technology has grown up in terms of quantity, the quality of personal touch has its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
on the peak of the mountain.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their homes to work at cities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
WhatsApp and Skype to communicate with their families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the face-to-face interaction is at lowest level. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
both the older generation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
alienated from each other.
Moreover
, this tendency of leaving brought-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
will lead to underdevelopment of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and this phenomenon influences other
also
,
therefore
, underdevelopment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
are the prominent cause of this evil problem.

Nevertheless
, this assertion can
be shunned
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternative solutions, one of them is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
living standards that could
be attributed
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in lifestyle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students who finished their education will work at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where they grown-up.
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a solution" or "another solution".
An another solution
is to establish corporate sectors in underdeveloped sites.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should encourage or
rather
order
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
The verb 'set up' is spelled as two words. The noun 'setup' is spelled as one.
to set-up
their industries in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
will
be developed
. This generation
in contrast
, should tend to work at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
instead
of isolating the family.

Despite there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employment opportunities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education and better healthcare in metro cites or towns, there will be devastating effects among the relations if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the elderly. As a solution there should be an adequate amount of employment and better standards of living should
be developed
in the countryside as par with towns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people are leaving countryside to live in cities and towns leaving old people in countrysidewhat are the problemswhat are the solutions v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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