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Young generations prefer to marry and have children when they become 30 and above and they no longer start their marriage and family life at a young age. Do you agree with this? v.3

Young generations prefer to marry and have children when they become 30 and above and they no longer start their marriage and family life at a young age. Do you agree with this? v. 3
Nowadays, many people want to start their married life when they are in the age of thirties and thirty plus, they also prefer to do child planning near around this, and they do not wish to get married at an early stage. I opine the same view and the reason for this contemplation are manifold. In this essay, I will discuss two main issues behind this thinking of adolescents that why they do not hope for their wedding soon. In this competitive era, to achieve anything has become a tedious task. Similarly, to get a good job, it is essential to have higher levels of educational degrees. Therefore, in order to be successful, young people choose to finish their study first before their wedding. For example, in a recent survey done by the California University, seventy percent of the students in the master class are unmarried, and the reason filled in the questionnaire that they want to complete their education first with good marks which require a high level of concentration, and if they get married, it would be difficult for them to focus. Further, it is irrefutable that it requires a lot of money to run a family, and after completing the studies when young people get a job, it takes some time to reach for getting a good salary as they will become experienced. For instance, in my office a fresher gets rupees fifty thousand at junior level in the Accounts department, whereas the person who is acquainted with two -three years of knowledge in the particular field, he or she will get one lakh rupees. Therefore, as a fresher, it is easy to spend life with small earnings, but for married couples, it requires more money to meet certain fixed expenses and responsibilities when they will be having children. Consequently, youngsters prefer to procrastinate their wedding plans. To summarise, although it is needed to marry at a right age, there are certain constraints which are holding people to start their married life at a little later stage so that they are settled and have a good bank balance in their bank accounts when they will marry with someone.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their married life when they are in the age of thirties and thirty plus, they
also
prefer to do child planning near around this, and they do not wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married at an early stage. I opine the same view and the reason for this contemplation are manifold. In this essay, I will discuss two main issues behind this thinking of adolescents that why they do not hope for their wedding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

In this competitive era, to achieve anything has become a tedious task.
Similarly
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
job, it is essential to have higher levels of educational degrees.
Therefore
, in order to be successful, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to finish their study
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their wedding.
For example
, in a recent survey done by the California University, seventy percent of the students in the master
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
are unmarried
, and the reason filled in the questionnaire that they want to complete their education
first
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
marks which require a high level of concentration, and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married, it would be difficult for them to focus.

Further
, it is irrefutable that it requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to run a family, and after completing the studies when young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job, it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to reach for getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
salary as they will become experienced.
For instance
, in my office a fresher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
rupees fifty thousand at junior level in the Accounts department, whereas the person who
is acquainted
with two -three years of knowledge in the particular field, he or she will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
one lakh rupees.
Therefore
, as a fresher, it is easy to spend life with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
earnings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for married couples, it requires more money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
expenses and responsibilities when they will be having children.
Consequently
, youngsters prefer to procrastinate their wedding plans.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, although it
is needed
to marry at a right age, there are certain constraints which are holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their married life at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
later stage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
are settled
and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
bank balance in their bank accounts when they will
Use "to" with "marry." You probably meant this: "marry to".
marry with
someone.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Young generations prefer to marry and have children when they become 30 and above and they no longer start their marriage and family life at a young age. Do you agree with this? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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