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Young drug abuse is a serious problem nowadays in many countries. What are the reasons for this and what can be done to control it? v.1

Young drug abuse is a serious problem nowadays in many countries. What are the reasons for this and what can be done to control it? v. 1
Today, juveniles consume more illegal drugs than in the past. They have a better access to more variety of opioid or non-opioid materials and use them far more remarkably. From my point of view, two important reasons have made this problem, and several practical implementations must be considered by governments to tackle it. To begin with, one leading reason why youth use more illicit drugs is that these materials have become more accessible than before. Obviously, drug dealers have expanded their territories in many countries, like Columbia in the South America or Afghanistan in Asia, and their control has become far more challenging than in the past. To address this problem, the best option is consideration of more severe charges for those selling these dreadful products. In this case, in some countries, leaders of this system are charged with lifetime probation, or even in other countries, including Iran, they may face capital punishment. Therefore, these severe penalties can partly be helpful to control the expansion of illegal drugs’ industries, and young generation will be less exposed to these perilous substances. Another factor is accessing of the public to more different types of these substances. Admittedly, advancement of technology has led more synthetic goods are generated and cheaper artificial drugs are to be produced. For instance, Crack, which is a synthetic form of Heroin, is more available to the public than the other former natural opioid, leading adolescents or teens are able to pay better for it. Had not this non-natural material become so available, fewer people would have been addicted. To solve this, one important step is increasing the budget of healthcare. Definitely, many users do not have thorough information about the devastating side effects of these drugs while having a better control on this age group, healthcare staff will be able to recognise better those individuals consuming these drugs and inform them how they can avoid using them. In conclusion, now youth have access to more illicit drugs than before. Propagation of dealers’ function and variation of these materials are two important reasons behind it. I think consideration of more severe law enforcement and having a better consultation of young people are two phenomenal actions to address it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, juveniles consume more illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
than in the past. They have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
access to more variety of opioid or non-opioid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them far more
remarkably
. From my point of view, two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons have made this problem, and several practical implementations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to tackle it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one leading reason why youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more illicit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
have become more accessible than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
dealers have expanded their territories in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, like Columbia in the South America or Afghanistan in Asia, and their control has become far more challenging than in the past. To address this problem, the best option is consideration of more severe charges for those selling these dreadful products.
In this case
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, leaders of this system
are charged
with lifetime probation, or even in other countries, including Iran, they may face capital punishment.
Therefore
, these severe penalties can partly be helpful to control the expansion of illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs’
industries, and young generation will be less exposed to these perilous substances.

Another factor is accessing of the public to more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of these substances.
Admittedly
, advancement of technology has led more synthetic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are generated
and cheaper artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are to
be produced
.
For instance
, Crack, which is a synthetic form of Heroin, is more available to the public than the other former natural opioid, leading adolescents or teens are able to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for it. Had not this non-natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
available, fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would have
been addicted
. To solve this, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
step is increasing the budget of healthcare. Definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
users do not have thorough information about the devastating side effects of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
while having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
control on this age group, healthcare staff will be able to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
those individuals consuming these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and inform them how they can avoid using them.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
youth have access to more illicit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Propagation of dealers’ function and variation of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons behind it. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
consideration of more severe law enforcement and having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
consultation of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are two phenomenal actions to address it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Young drug abuse is a serious problem nowadays in many countries. What are the reasons for this and what can be done to control it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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