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Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people, therefore, think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people, therefore, think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
In our modern world, people’s educational background is considered one of the greatest priorities to many administrations. Some may say that some more important study must be supported more by state authorities; however, others, included myself agree that the drawbacks of this method outweigh the positive influences. On the one hand, those who believe that focusing more on some specific essential curriculum by governments is more beneficial to humans have their reasons. One reason behind it is that they will face fewer healthcare problems. Admitting of more medical or nursing students will lead the general public to gain a better quality of healthcare system. For example, had the government of India backed up medical students more, Indian people would have had a better level of well-being; but unfortunately, every year hundreds of medical graduates have to move their country into Western countries for finding better study opportunities. Another advantage is that more starved nations will be nourished. Farming should be supported more by governments. Investing more in agricultural education, countries will have more advanced and mechanised agriculture, and more developed techniques will be used in this sector. On the other hand, I personally believe that all study subjects must be valued equally, and all humans have similar rights to receive identical funds to continue their study. The first obvious factor is that the rate of unemployment will increase if university principals follow this policy. Clearly, by supporting more specific study subjects, the number jobless professionals will increase far considerably. For instance, in Iran, two decades ago, the capacity of medical universities was enhanced by the government, and more loans were given to medical students. This caused the number of medical graduates grew fast, and gradually their employment opportunity dropped. Furthermore, it can be against the civil rights. Obviously, all citizens pay tax and must have a wide selection to choose their favourite study material. If they do not receive equal financial support, they may become unsatisfied citizens. To sum up, although some education fields are more phenomenal to societies, from my point of view, all study courses must be validated similarly by administrations because all applicants have equal rights, and this method may increase the number of unemployed professionals being more backed up.
In our modern world,
people
’s educational background
is considered
one of the greatest priorities to
many
administrations.
Some
may say that
some
more
important
study
must
be supported
more by state authorities;
however
, others, included myself
agree
that the drawbacks of this method outweigh the
positive
influences.

On the one hand, those who believe that focusing more on
some
specific essential curriculum by
governments
is more beneficial to humans have their reasons. One reason behind it is that they will face fewer healthcare problems. Admitting of more
medical
or nursing students will lead the
general public
to gain a better quality of healthcare system.
For example
, had the
government
of India backed up
medical
students more, Indian
people
would have had a better level of well-being;
but
unfortunately, every year hundreds of
medical
graduates
have to
move
their country into Western countries for finding better
study
opportunities. Another advantage is that more starved nations will
be nourished
. Farming should
be supported
more by
governments
. Investing more in agricultural education, countries will have more advanced and
mechanised
agriculture, and more developed techniques will be
used
in this sector.

On the other hand
, I
personally
believe that all
study
subjects
must
be valued
equally
, and all humans have similar rights to receive identical funds to continue their
study
. The
first
obvious factor is that the rate of unemployment will increase if university principals follow this policy.
Clearly
, by supporting more specific
study
subjects, the number jobless professionals will increase far
considerably
.
For instance
, in Iran, two decades ago, the capacity of
medical
universities
was enhanced
by the
government
, and more loans were
given
to
medical
students. This caused the number of
medical
graduates grew
fast
, and
gradually
their employment opportunity dropped.
Furthermore
, it can be against the civil rights.
Obviously
, all citizens pay tax and
must
have a wide selection to choose their
favourite
study
material. If they do not receive equal financial support, they may become unsatisfied citizens.

To sum up, although
some
education fields are more phenomenal to societies, from my point of view, all
study
courses
must
be validated
similarly
by administrations
because
all applicants have equal rights, and this method may increase the number of unemployed professionals being more backed up.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people, therefore, think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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