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You work for a children’s home which needs volunteers to help at weekends. write to the local newspaper. In your letterRequest that they publicise the vacancies Include details of what is required of the applicantsExplain the ways in which both voluntee v.1

You work for a children’s home which needs volunteers to help at weekends. write to the local newspaper. In your letterRequest that they publicise the vacancies Include details of what is required of the applicantsExplain the ways in which both voluntee v. 1
People nowadays are up to un-healthy lifestyle. Due to this reason there are majority of people who have severe problems related to health and this tendency is increasing as result of overweight. This essay will discuss the issues and suggest solutions to overcome this problem. However, there are two main reasons for being overweight. Firstly, it includes leading a sedentary lifestyle. For example, people who are working in offices do not get sufficient time to take care of their health. Likewise, In IT companies, they usually sit for long hours and work, they spend more time in front of the computer and don’t get time to move around. Therefore, they spoil their health by sitting and not moving until 6 hours, which results in health problems like obesity and diabetes. Secondly, consuming junk foods, this also includes in being overweight. For instance, most school canteen offers children to prefer unhealthy foods over salads by making attractive posters of junk foods which attracts young people to buy it. Because of this reason people spoil their health. This issue can be solved by preparing healthy meals for school children and for office mates the best way to have healthy life is, by exercising. Likewise, to maintain proper body one must regularly visit the fitness center and move from one place to another rather than sitting at one place. Furthermore, one should maintain their body by consuming balanced-diet too. Thus, this reason can help people to be fit without being oversized. In conclusion, although people are busy in this hectic lifestyle one must always give importance to their body by exercising regularly. In contrast, this essay has discussed one major reason for obesity and also suggested the solution for this issue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays are up to
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-healthy
lifestyle. Due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
there are
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have severe problems related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and this tendency is increasing as result of overweight. This essay will discuss the issues and suggest solutions to overcome this problem.

However
, there are two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for being overweight.
Firstly
, it includes leading a sedentary lifestyle.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working in offices do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sufficient time to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Likewise
, In IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, they
usually
sit for long hours and work, they spend more time in front of the computer and don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around.
Therefore
, they spoil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by sitting and not moving until 6 hours, which results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems like obesity and diabetes.
Secondly
, consuming junk foods, this
also
includes in being overweight.
For instance
, most school canteen offers children to prefer unhealthy foods over salads by making attractive posters of junk foods which attracts young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spoil their health.

This issue can
be solved
by preparing healthy meals for school children and for office mates the best way to have healthy life is, by exercising.
Likewise
, to maintain proper body one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
regularly
visit the fitness center and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one place to another
rather
than sitting at one place.
Furthermore
, one should maintain their body by consuming balanced-diet too.
Thus
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be fit
without
being oversized
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy in this hectic lifestyle one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
always give importance to their body by exercising
regularly
.
In contrast
, this essay has discussed one major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for obesity and
also
suggested the solution for this issue.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You work for a children’s home which needs volunteers to help at weekends. write to the local newspaper. In your letterRequest that they publicise the vacancies Include details of what is required of the applicantsExplain the ways in which both voluntee v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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