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You saw an advert asking for volunteers to run a charity event 1 Explain why you are interested in helping 2 give details suitable past experience 3 suggest ways you might help with the event v.1

You saw an advert asking for volunteers to run a charity event 1 Explain why you are interested in helping 2 give details suitable past experience 3 suggest ways you might help with the event v. 1
Nowadays, there is a big issue in many countries that some people don't understand how to bring up their child properly. It is undeniable that this problem is not included in school education. Although, some people think it is not a significant problem and useless for teaching the student how to parent their child well. Both will be discussed and give some detail in the following paragraph. However, There are some people who interest to read many books and find a lot of information how to be a good mother and father. Therefore, learning about this issue is not important for them and it's waste their time to study about this in school. They are too young to learn how to grow up their child in high school age. Likewise, they should learn and prepare for their future education more than learning a lesson that is not vital. On the contrary, It is necessary that they should know the fundamental data of becoming a great parent. There are a lot of populations that don't know how to deal with their child because they don't have enough time to analyse what they have to do. Furthermore, this will be one of the reasons why there a lot of people that have mental problem. Domestic violence is the significant thing that happens in the family with less understanding about their kids. To conclude, Both ways have pros and cons in their own ways. Though, It depends on the society and the country they live. Those are have enough help to the parent with the newborn. From my point of view, I think we should learn how to be the parent when we was young because at that time we know the feeling of the child. Thereby, we really feel how the child feel.
Nowadays, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't understand how to bring up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
properly
. It is undeniable that this problem is not included in school education. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not a significant problem and useless for teaching the student how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
well. Both will
be discussed
and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detail in the following paragraph.

However
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who interest to read
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
books and find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information how to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mother and father.
Therefore
, learning about this issue is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them and it's waste their time to study about this in school. They are too young to learn how to grow up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in high school age.
Likewise
, they should learn and prepare for their future education more than learning a lesson
that is
not vital.

On the contrary
, It is necessary that they should know the fundamental data of becoming a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
populations that don't know how to deal with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
what they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do.
Furthermore
, this will be one of the reasons why there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have mental problem. Domestic violence is the significant thing that happens in the family with less understanding about their kids.

To conclude
, Both ways have pros and cons in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways. Though, It depends on the society and the country they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Those are
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
with the newborn. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should learn how to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
when we
Use first person plural verb with 'we': "are", "were".
was
young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at that time we know the feeling of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Thereby, we
really
feel how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
feel.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay You saw an advert asking for volunteers to run a charity event 1 Explain why you are interested in helping 2 give details suitable past experience 3 suggest ways you might help with the event v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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