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IELTS General Writing - Writing Task IYou saw an advert asking for volunteers to run a charity event: 1. Explain why you are interested in helping2. give details suitable past experience3. suggest ways you might help with the eventWrite at least 150 words. v.1

IELTS General Writing - Writing Task IYou saw an advert asking for volunteers to run a charity event: 1. Explain why you are interested in helping2. give details suitable past experience3. suggest ways you might help with the event v. 1
The rise in the cases of children suffering from obesity has led to a question by many people, on the role of the school in educating the young ones about the ill-effects of bad eating habits and lack of exercise on health. I strongly believe the schools can contribute more in this area and in this essay we discuss how schools can partner up with the parents to solve this problem and also school choices in improving their pupils' health. Though school was initially meant to teach students basic subjects like maths, However, nowadays their role has increased in a child's life. For a child spends more time in schools during term, it is necessary that they look after the overall child's health and report it to the parents in case of any ill finding. For example, if the child is displaying any sign of over eating of unhealthy food in the school than they could talk to the parents and work together to resolve the issue. For instance, Schools can provide more time for physical education, so that a child can get more time to work on the physical aspect of the health and that can result in reduction of absent days take by the child. On the other hand, schools can work the mental side of the health by educating the risks disease's like obesity can have on their life because this can help make them informed choices. To conclude, that it is imperative and paramount that a child should be educated about the positive side of healthy living rather than ignoring the issues and while parents and schools are two different entities they can come together to help their child of having better prospects in life.
The rise in the cases of children suffering from obesity has led to a question by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, on the role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in educating the young ones about the ill-effects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits and lack of exercise on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. I
strongly
believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can contribute more in this area and in this essay we discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can partner up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to solve this problem and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
choices in improving their pupils' health.

Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was
initially
meant to teach students basic subjects like
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
,
However
, nowadays their role has increased in a child's life. For a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
spends more time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
during term, it is necessary that they look after the
overall
child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and report it to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in case of any ill finding.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is displaying any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of over eating of unhealthy food in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
than they could talk to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and work together to resolve the issue.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
For
instance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
can provide more time for physical education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more time to work on the physical aspect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and that can result in reduction of absent days take by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can work the mental side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by educating the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "risks'" or "risk's"?
risks
disease's like obesity can have on their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them informed choices.

To conclude
, that it is imperative and paramount that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should
be educated
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of healthy living
rather
than ignoring the issues and while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
entities they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of having better prospects in life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay IELTS General Writing - Writing Task IYou saw an advert asking for volunteers to run a charity event: 1. Explain why you are interested in helping2. give details suitable past experience3. suggest ways you might help with the event v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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