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TPO18- university change the choir scheduleThe man expresses his opinion about the changes described in this article. Briefly summarize the change. Then state his opinion of the change and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v.1

TPO18- university change the choir scheduleThe man expresses his opinion about the changes described in this article. Briefly summarize the change. Then state his opinion of the change and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
Previous world record holders and star athletes in various sports fields use to push the boundaries of human capabilities on the basis of their insurmountable ambition without substantial financial reward. Nowadays, professional athletes are considered wealthy individuals, capable of supporting lavish lifestyles. In my opinion, this change cannot be considered neither good nor bad as the truth is much more complex than a simple answer. In today's global market, there are few things that capture our imagination and provides excitement more than sports. Brands like the English premier league and the football champions league earn more money than most companies on the stock exchange. As sports as a whole got bigger and clubs got richer, some of the money injected into the profession found its way down the pecking order in the hands of the athletes themselves, so that even a mediocre premier league player can earn as much as 50, 000 pounds a week, which begs a question: is it good for the sport? Well, my answer is “yes and no”. On one hand, it has a favourable effect on the safety of sports events and the eradication of hooliganism due to the fact that the entrance fee is just too expensive for hostile parties. In addition, even though some people say that monetary gain, is a problematic driving force for younger generations, I do not see how it damages top athletes winning mentality or ambition. Take Mohammed Salah for example, the man earns an incredible amount of money, whether he wins or loses, however, his tears after his horrifying injury in the champions league final reflected on his extreme desire to win. On the other hand, it could be argued that the extra funds ruin the romance and surprise nature of the sport as only the richest teams can succeed. Moreover, one can argue that the hefty sums of money involved can cause children to concentrate on success in order to become rich rather than chase their dreams out of pure reasons. In conclusion, the sporting world has changed immensely during the past few decades. Although some people enjoy reflecting on the romantic ways of the past in which top athletes were motivated by their ambition alone, I do not share that sentiment and believe that there are some positive aspects of the aforementioned financial revolution.
Previous world record holders and star
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fields
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
push the boundaries of human capabilities on the basis of their insurmountable ambition without substantial financial reward. Nowadays, professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are considered
wealthy individuals, capable of supporting lavish lifestyles. In my opinion, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
cannot
be considered
neither
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as the truth is much more complex than a simple answer.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's global market, there are few things that capture our imagination and provides excitement more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Brands like the English premier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
league
and the football champions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
league
earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
on the stock exchange. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
bigger and clubs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
richer,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
injected into the profession found its way down the pecking order in the hands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that even a mediocre premier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
league
player can earn as much as 50, 000 pounds a week, which begs a question: is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
? Well, my answer is “yes and no”.

On one hand, it has a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
effect on the safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and the eradication of hooliganism due to the fact that the entrance fee is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
too expensive for hostile parties.
In addition
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that monetary gain, is a problematic driving force for younger generations, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how it damages top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
winning mentality or ambition. Take Mohammed Salah
for example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
earns an incredible amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, whether he wins or loses,
however
, his tears after his horrifying injury in the champions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
league
final reflected on his extreme desire to win.

On the other hand
, it could
be argued
that the extra funds ruin the romance and surprise nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the richest teams can succeed.
Moreover
, one can argue that the hefty sums of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
involved can cause children to concentrate on success in order to become rich
rather
than chase their dreams out of pure reasons.

In conclusion
, the sporting world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
immensely
during the past few decades. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy reflecting on the romantic ways of the past in which top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
were motivated
by their ambition alone, I do not share that sentiment and believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of the aforementioned financial revolution.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay TPO18- university change the choir scheduleThe man expresses his opinion about the changes described in this article. Briefly summarize the change. Then state his opinion of the change and explain the reasons he gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
388 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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