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you were hurt in a minor accident inside the a super market, and you wish to complain to the supermarket. write a letter to manger of the super market. In your letter1. say who you are2. give details about the accident3. suggest how the supermarket could v.1

you were hurt in a minor accident inside the a super market, and you wish to complain to the supermarket. write a letter to manger of the super market. In your letter1. say who you are2. give details about the accident3. suggest how the supermarket could v. 1
We live in the age of computer and information technology and with the tap of the finger, we can get virtually any information we need. This fire up a debate that in the future, whether we will no longer need to have schools, galleries, museums or library as people can easily view everything from education to culture and entertainment using a computer. Personally, I quite disagree with the given statement and believe that online information can never replace the needs of these essential buildings. First of all, only when we have museums, art galleries or collection of historic objects we can present them online. Secondly, museums preserve the real object, keeping them safe, while the online presentation has nothing to do with preserving those invaluable works of art. Moreover, working in museums requires groups of experts in order to maintain and evaluate historic objects and how to preserve them. In contrary, online website is often run by ordinary people and authenticity are not always possible Furthermore, in education, distance learning is more challenging than traditional learning. Although it brings many benefits, but we should not rely on it. For example, studying in school is more efficient for students to obtain the knowledge as their teachers are by their side in studying time and all questions will be answered through simple communication. Moreover, the internet contained many distractions and easily waste your time. By that means, surfing the internet without carefulness and determination may cost you an immense amount of time To summarise, online education, culture and entertainment is alluring in modern life. Although it can not meet the needs of using the real establishment of museum of arts, schools and libraries around the world
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the age of computer and information technology and with the tap of the finger, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
virtually
any information we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. This fire up a debate that in the future, whether we will no longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to have schools, galleries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or library as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
easily
view everything from education to culture and entertainment using a computer.
Personally
, I quite disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
information can never replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of these essential buildings.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, art galleries or collection of historic objects we can present them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
preserve the real object, keeping them safe, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
presentation has nothing to do with preserving those invaluable works of art.
Moreover
, working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
requires groups of experts in order to maintain and evaluate historic objects and how to preserve them. In contrary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
website is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
run by ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and authenticity are not always possible

Furthermore
, in education, distance learning is more challenging than traditional learning. Although it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should not rely on it.
For example
, studying in school is more efficient for students to obtain the knowledge as their teachers are by their side in studying time and all questions will
be answered
through simple communication.
Moreover
, the internet contained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distractions and
easily
waste your time. By that means, surfing the internet without carefulness and determination may cost you an immense amount of time

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
education, culture and entertainment is alluring in modern life. Although it can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of using the real establishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
of arts, schools and libraries around the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
world
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay you were hurt in a minor accident inside the a super market, and you wish to complain to the supermarket. write a letter to manger of the super market. In your letter1. say who you are2. give details about the accident3. suggest how the supermarket could v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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