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Some universities focus on having excellent libraries, laboratories, and other facilities. Others focus more on hiring the most successful and qualified professors. Which system do you think benefits students more, and why? Include details and examples in v.2

Some universities focus on having excellent libraries, laboratories, and other facilities. Others focus more on hiring the most successful and qualified professors. Which system do you think benefits students more, and why? Include details and examples in v. 2
In order to take right decisions in life, juveniles should learn the importance of what is correct and incorrect at an early age. Punishment helps them to imbibe this easily and helps identify differences between them. I completely agree with this viewpoint, as it helps to build a solid foundation. Parents and teachers should give constructive punishments to improve the behaviour of the children. In my opinion, punishment is necessary at an early age because it helps students identify right or wrong. If teachers do not punish students, they will never learn. Most of the parents try to explain their children in a polite way, but the success rate is limited. For example, a survey conducted in a well known University of Mumbai states that out of 100 students only 10 percent of people are able to make the right decisions, whereas 90 percent of students improved only after punishments. To start with, parents and teachers are well wishers for their students and they should focus on giving constructive punishments, rather than harsh punishments. As harsh punishments can have an impact on a child's life and it can also lead to lower self esteem. Moreover, the purpose of teaching the good thing to the student should always be remembered. For example, some punishments can like writing an assignment five times or jogging 10 rounds in the garden. In Conclusion, parents and teachers play a crucial role in the life of a child, as they are the one who guides children for a better future. To segregate the difference between right and wrong, students need to be punished in a constructive way. Parents and teachers should have a discussion, wherein they can decide on the ways they can punish students.
In order to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
decisions in life, juveniles should learn the importance of what is correct and incorrect at an early age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to imbibe this
easily
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
identify differences between them. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint, as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to build a solid foundation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should give constructive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the children.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is necessary at an early age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
identify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
do not punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, they will never learn. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
their children
Consider replacing "in a polite way" with the adverb for "polite"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a polite way
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the success rate
is limited
.
For example
, a survey conducted in a well known University of Mumbai states that out of 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 percent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
decisions, whereas 90 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after punishments.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well wishers
for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they should focus on giving constructive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
,
rather
than harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
. As harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
can have an impact on a child's life and it can
also
lead to lower
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
.
Moreover
, the purpose of teaching the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should always
be remembered
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
can like writing an assignment five times or jogging 10 rounds in the garden.

In Conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a crucial role in the life of a child, as they are the one who guides children for a better future. To segregate the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to
be punished
Consider replacing "in a constructive way" with the adverb for "constructive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a constructive way
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should have a discussion, wherein they can decide on the ways they can punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some universities focus on having excellent libraries, laboratories, and other facilities. Others focus more on hiring the most successful and qualified professors. Which system do you think benefits students more, and why? Include details and examples in v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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