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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement When people succeed it is entirely because of hard work Luck has nothing to do with their success Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position v.2

When people succeed it is entirely because of hard work Luck has nothing to do with their success Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position v. 2
Since prehistoric times, luck and religion was the hot issue of human’s activities including satisfactory and evil ones. Personally, I believe that luck may interfere with the people’s process of succeeding but in a negative way. I feel this way for two main reasons, and I will develop these ideas in the subsequent paragraphs unbiasedly because I am the atheist. Firstly, people who depend on their luck rather than their own ability to accomplish matters tend to be less assiduous than others who realize that they cannot achieve their goal without tackling. This is because they consider that luck but not their own skill will perform everything for them, which will probably discourage them. To illustrate this, I would like to share my friend’s experience. Last year, I and my companion were going to take general exams of universities of Mongolia, which is my native country. However, he did not prepare for the test because he was confident about the fact that god will help him on the test day. Needless to say, he failed the test and end up losing opportunity to studying higher education. On the other hand, I recognized that I but not supernatural force was charge in my life, thus I had persisted and studied every subject until the test day. As a result of this, I achieved high score in the test without receiving any message from the god, and guessing any answer. Drawing from my own experience, people will be motivated if they are aware of the fact that only their commitment but not external and abstract force will decide whether they will succeed. Secondly, people who believe deity, or luck tend to pray for a long time, which means the amount of time expended for working and studying diminishes. To be more specific, some people frequently go to church while others including their competitors are striving. For example, two years ago, my sister went to China for religious purpose for a month because she wanted ask god to help her to succeed in mathematics competition. Unfortunately, her classmates, can constitutes competitors in this case, were developing themselves by practicing throughout the month during which my sister was traveling in order to meet with the god. Eventually, on her test day, she failed to solve problems that was taught when she was absent from class. Therefore, she ends up getting inadequate scores on the competition while her classmates get the first place and golden medal. If she had not stopped rehearsing in order to pray, she would have received better scores than she actually did. In conclusion, I am of the opinion of luck will even reduce people’s chance of obtaining what they want or aim. This is because they will lose their motivation and invaluable time, which are essential factors of success.
Since prehistoric
times
, luck and religion was the hot issue of
human’s activities
including satisfactory and evil ones.
Personally
, I believe that luck may interfere with the
people’s
process of succeeding
but
in a
negative
way. I feel this way for two main reasons, and I will develop these
ideas
in the subsequent paragraphs
unbiasedly
because
I am the atheist.

Firstly
,
people
who depend on their luck
rather
than their
own
ability to accomplish matters tend to be less assiduous than others who realize that they cannot achieve their goal without tackling. This is
because
they consider that luck
but
not their
own
skill
will perform everything for them, which will
probably
discourage them. To illustrate this, I would like to share my friend’s experience. Last year, I and my companion were going to take general exams of universities of Mongolia, which is my native country.
However
, he did not prepare for the
test
because
he was confident about the fact that god will
help
him on the
test
day. Needless to say, he failed the
test
and
end
up losing opportunity to studying higher education.
On the other hand
, I recognized that I
but
not supernatural force was charge in my life,
thus
I had persisted and studied every subject until the
test
day.
As a result
of this, I achieved high score in the
test
without receiving any message from the god, and guessing any answer. Drawing from my
own
experience,
people
will
be motivated
if they are aware of the fact that
only
their commitment
but
not external and abstract force will decide whether they will succeed.

Secondly
,
people
who believe deity, or luck tend to pray for a long
time
, which means the amount of
time
expended for working and studying diminishes. To be more specific,
some
people
frequently
go to church while others including their competitors are striving.
For example
, two years ago, my sister went to China for religious purpose for a month
because
she wanted ask god to
help
her to succeed in mathematics competition. Unfortunately, her classmates, can
constitutes
competitors
in this case
, were developing themselves by practicing throughout the month during which my sister was traveling in order to
meet
with the god.
Eventually
, on her
test
day, she failed to solve problems that
was taught
when she was absent from
class
.
Therefore
, she ends up getting inadequate scores on the competition while her classmates
get
the
first
place and golden medal. If she had not
stopped
rehearsing in order to pray, she would have received better scores than she actually did.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion of luck will even
reduce
people’s
chance of obtaining what they want or aim. This is
because
they will lose their motivation and invaluable
time
, which are essential factors of success.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay When people succeed it is entirely because of hard work Luck has nothing to do with their success Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
469 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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