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Your company is going to organize a special training course for a few staffs. Your manager has asked you to find out if the local conference center has the right facilities to hold this course. Write a letter to the manager of the conference center. In you v.1

Your company is going to organize a special training course for a few staffs. Your manager has asked you to find out if the local conference center has the right facilities to hold this course. Write a letter to the manager of the conference center. In you v. 1
Due to competitions nowadays, of different organizations, most of the employers consider academic qualifications more crucial than life experience and personal qualities. The writer, strongly believe that it is a negative development, the reasons will discuss below, followed by a conclusion. To start with, the experiences at endeavour and personal qualities like hard working, loyal and cooperative, are considered to be most the important to considered by the employers, because having these qualities are a tremendous help so that the company will be more successful. For instance, a newly hired manager who has a huge experience and loyal when it comes to the task does not need a massive training to manage her subordinates due to her widely experienced in her previous work. In addition, she can able to manage whatever problem, because of her skills and desirable experience in dealing with the employees. Thus, it does not require a longer time to adapt the type of her job. Furthermore, although those applicants that are highly qualified due to their academic qualifications are essential. But, it takes a longer time to adapt to the environment and it requires them to have a huge trainings, like career development, and other trainings that related to their job, since they do not have enough skills on the job. For instance, a young man that applied to the glass company, had a difficulty adapting his career at first because he does not have wide background, even though he was considered as an achiever. To sum up, although academic qualifications are crucial for the organizations to be successful due to their intellectual capacity, however, I believe that, nothing can beat an employee that has a huge knowledge, skills and background at work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to competitions nowadays, of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organizations, most of the employers consider academic qualifications more crucial than life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and personal qualities. The writer,
strongly
believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development, the reasons will discuss below, followed by a conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
at
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
and personal qualities like
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
, loyal and cooperative,
are considered
to be most the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to considered by the employers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having these qualities are a tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will be more successful.
For instance
, a
newly
hired manager who has a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and loyal when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the task does not need a massive training to manage her subordinates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to her
widely
experienced in her previous work.
In addition
, she
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
manage whatever problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and desirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in dealing with the employees.
Thus
, it does not require a longer time to adapt the type of her job.

Furthermore
, although those applicants that are
highly
qualified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their academic qualifications are essential.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it takes a longer time to adapt to the environment and it requires them to have a huge
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "training"?
trainings
, like career development, and other trainings that related to their job, since they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on the job.
For instance
, a young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
that applied to the glass
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, had a difficulty adapting his career at
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he does not have wide background,
even though
he
was considered
as an achiever.

To sum up, although academic qualifications are crucial for the organizations to be successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their intellectual capacity,
however
, I believe that, nothing can beat an employee that has a huge knowledge,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and background at work.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Your company is going to organize a special training course for a few staffs. Your manager has asked you to find out if the local conference center has the right facilities to hold this course. Write a letter to the manager of the conference center. In you v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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