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A local college is having an international day You want to speak to students about your country from different cultures Write a letter to the college head In the letter you should tell him her about the topics you are going to talk about why would they be v.1

A local college is having an international day You want to speak to students about your country from different cultures Write a letter to the college head In the letter you should tell him her about the topics you are going to talk about why would they be v. 1
It is opined by a few people that that most important objective of a person in this workplace should be to concentrate on their work and focusing on establishing amiable relationships in the offices is not essential. Though I agree that one's underlying focus should be his work, I disagree that creating and maintaining friendly relationships is not thing to focus on. I think that a person's work should be at his highest priority because a company pays him for that purpose and his utmost responsibility should be to complete his designated tasks. Additionally, his work helps him in getting a promotion and maybe a better life. In other words, he can attain everything that he ever dreamt of by prioritizing it. For instance, successful people such as Bill Gates and Jeff Bass are touching the zenith of their careers because they never neglected their work and followed the rule of 'work is worship'. However, I also firmly believe that a healthy working culture is indispensable and to maintain it, a person should create healthy relationships there with the people because they are the people who surround you every day and negativity is never good for working spaces as it gives rise to filthy politics and various issues arising due to it. For instant, despite a bright future, one of my uncle left his renowned promising job because people were quite negative there and it was difficult for him to adjust in such environment. In conclusion, though I firmly believe that a person's work is of utmost importance in a workplace, but the importance of working environment is also quite significant, and in any circumstance, cannot be thought as less essential.
It
is opined
by a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that that most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
objective of a person in this workplace should be to concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and focusing on establishing amiable relationships in the offices is not essential. Though I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that one's underlying focus should be his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, I disagree that creating and maintaining friendly relationships is not thing to focus on.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be at his highest priority
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
pays him for that purpose and his utmost responsibility should be to complete his designated tasks.
Additionally
, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him in getting a promotion and maybe a better life.
In other words
, he can attain everything that he ever dreamt of by prioritizing it.
For instance
, successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as Bill Gates and Jeff Bass are touching the zenith of their careers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they never neglected their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and followed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of 'work is worship'.

However
, I
also
firmly
believe that a healthy working culture is indispensable and to maintain it, a person should create healthy relationships there with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who surround you every day and negativity is never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for working spaces as it gives rise to filthy politics and various issues arising due to it. For instant, despite a bright future, one of my uncle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
his renowned promising job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
there and it was difficult for him to adjust in such environment.

In conclusion
, though I
firmly
believe that a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is of utmost importance in a workplace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the importance of working environment is
also
quite significant, and in any circumstance, cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as less essential.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A local college is having an international day You want to speak to students about your country from different cultures Write a letter to the college head In the letter you should tell him her about the topics you are going to talk about why would they be v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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