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Some people think everyone should be a vegetarian because we do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think everyone should be a vegetarian because we do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. v. 2
It is common today, that identifying who is responsible for providing financial investments in underdeveloped countries is an issue that many individuals feel strongly about. Some believe that developmental states should implement measures for poorer nations in health care, welfare and education. Others, however, suppose that there is a good idea for Third World diverts funds to these services. This essay will address both sides of the arguments and then will present my personal attitude. In the one hand, There is no doubt, that wealthy nations have stronger economies than other states and they can provide financial assist to this land. They should open factories of their national products and offer a lot of work places to the local community. The expansion of their productions can be result in the increasing income and have a big benefit for themselves as well. To illustrate, Microsoft company has decided to set their base in South America and South Africa to give job opportunities for the locals. In my opinion, I think that it is the responsibility of the matured nations to show their helping hands for under-privileged society. On the other hand, developing countries can aid the less wealthy states by investing money in their well being. Furthermore, they able to send well-educated and professional staff in the production companies and educational institutions to help the dwellers of poorer nations to get appropriate knowledges and works with adequate salary. And they can offer a good conditions for students from underdeveloped countries in their universities. For instance, Kazakhstan presents a multitude of opportunities for undergraduates from Uzbekistan, Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan like scholarships, work places and accommodation items. However, In my view, I suppose that developing countries should pay attention to their own economic state, because they have no established yet as well as developed nations. In conclusion, it is clear that wealthy nations certainly ought to have the main role in the improvement wellbeing of society where a big share of the population have experienced the poverty. Third world can be involved in it too, nevertheless they should spend more finance on their own development.
It is common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, that identifying who is responsible for providing financial investments in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is an issue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals feel
strongly
about.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that developmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
should implement measures for poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in health care, welfare and education. Others,
however
, suppose that there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for Third World diverts funds to these services. This essay will address both sides of the arguments and then will present my personal attitude.

In the one hand, There is no doubt, that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have stronger economies than other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
states and
they can provide financial assist to this land. They should open factories of their national products and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work places to the local community. The expansion of their productions can be result in the increasing income and have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
benefit for themselves
as well
. To illustrate, Microsoft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has decided to set their base in South America and South Africa to give job opportunities for the locals. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the responsibility of the matured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their helping hands for under-privileged society.

On the other hand
, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can aid the less wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
by investing money in their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
Furthermore
,
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
well-educated and professional staff in the production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and educational institutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the dwellers of poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
appropriate
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
and works with adequate salary. And they can offer a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conditions for students from underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in their universities.
For instance
, Kazakhstan presents a multitude of opportunities for undergraduates from Uzbekistan, Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan like scholarships, work places and accommodation items.
However
, In my view, I suppose that developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should pay attention to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have no established
yet
as well
as developed nations.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
certainly
ought to have the main role in the improvement
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of society where a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
share of the population have experienced the poverty. Third world can
be involved
in it too,
nevertheless
they should spend more finance on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think everyone should be a vegetarian because we do not need to eat meat to have a healthy diet. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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