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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The two graphs show the main sources of energy in the USA in the 1980s and the 1990s. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the changes which occurred. Write at least 150 words. v.9

The two graphs show the main sources of energy in the USA in the 1980s and the 1990s. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the changes which occurred. v. 9
It is sometimes difficult to choose between getting employed or pursuing a personal business. Although, flexibility in the working schedule without any superior authority seems to be very appealing in managing a personal business, but the associated monetary risks and management stresses of an owned company could be enormously challenging. In my opinion, getting a job in an organisation can prove to be advantageous by providing stability without any unnecessary burdens, but there are drawbacks to be considered. On the one hand, I believe that by getting work in a company can be advantageous. Firstly, it provides a much needed stability to the life by ensuring job security. In other words, employees of a company can have regular monthly earnings to meet their requirements and also have a clear path to prosper in a specified field. Secondly, it also ensures mental satisfaction as company workers, because they don't have extra management stresses. For instance, in a recent survey published in the New York Times revealed that 75% of employees of the various companies were satisfied with their jobs, whereas only 32% of business owners were found happy to run their own businesses. On the other hand, I consider that employment in a company can have some drawbacks. One concern is that working in a company can be a slow process to excel in the designated field. In other words, one has to manage on a fixed salary for a prolonged period of time. Another issue is that working in a company doesn't allow an individual to be innovative in his field as one has to abide by the set rules of the respective company. For instance, a civil engineer working in a construction company can't experiment with the new design of a building unless allowed by the employer company. In conclusion, I believe that working in a company is beneficial in many ways, but the downside is that, it can be a slow process to excel and doesn't allow much experimentation in a specified field.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
difficult to choose between getting employed or pursuing a personal business. Although, flexibility in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
schedule without any superior authority seems to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
appealing in managing a personal business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the associated monetary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
of an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
could be
enormously
challenging. In my opinion, getting a job in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
can prove to be advantageous by providing stability without any unnecessary burdens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are drawbacks to
be considered
.

On the one hand, I believe that by getting work in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can be advantageous.
Firstly
, it provides a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
stability to the life by ensuring job security.
In other words
, employees of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can have regular monthly earnings to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their requirements and
also
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
path to prosper in a specified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
Secondly
, it
also
ensures mental satisfaction as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
workers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't have extra management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
.
For instance
, in a recent survey published in the New York Times revealed that 75% of employees of the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
were satisfied
with their jobs, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
32% of business owners
were found
happy to run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
businesses.

On the other hand
, I consider that employment in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. One concern is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can be a slow process to excel in the designated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
In other words
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
manage on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
salary for a prolonged period of time. Another issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
an individual to be innovative in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
as one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
abide by the set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of the respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For instance
, a civil engineer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can't experiment with the new design of a building unless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
by the employer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the downside is that, it can be a slow process to excel and doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
much experimentation in a specified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The two graphs show the main sources of energy in the USA in the 1980s and the 1990s. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the changes which occurred. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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