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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Although you have never formally studied computing, you have always been interested in computers. You have just read about a computer course that really interests you, but it is only for people who have compl v.5

Although you have never formally studied computing, you have always been interested in computers. You have just read about a computer course that really interests you, but it is only for people who have compl v. 5
It has always been a desire for most of the people to become a star. Because the people who are either a movie star or a sports celebrity come across more advantages than disadvantages. To begin with, celebrities usually have a large number of followers. These followers consider these figures as their idols or role models. Although this seems like a privilege for a superstar being worshipped by its fans, at the same time it is a curse. Due to such an enormous following, a celebrity's life does not remain private. They are not only followed by their fans, but also the media. Any private business of these people is made public instantly through gossips on the media. This often leads some celebrities to depression and mental distress to a level that they commit suicide. However, there are public figures who handle their followers and the media effectively. Which enables them to not only influence the masses, but also make large amounts of money. Having a huge number of followers allows them to leave a positive effect on the society. For example, UN appoints a celebrity as its ambassador for promoting awareness on different global issues such as children and women's rights. Similarly, different companies who manufacture consumer products often found signing expensive contracts with a film star or a sports personality for the promotion of their products. This allows them to convert those celebrity's following into their customer and maximise their profits. In conclusion, others people opinion may vary, but I think that being a celebrity, the advantage to leave a positive impact on the society along with making a considerable amount of wealth out weigh the disadvantage of compromising celebrity's own personal life.
It has always been a desire for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become a star.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are either a movie star or a sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across more advantages than disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
usually
have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
consider these figures as their idols or role models. Although this seems like a privilege for a superstar being
Possible spelling mistake. 'worshipped' is British English.
worshipped
by its fans, at the same time it is a curse. Due to such an enormous following, a celebrity's life does not remain private. They are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
followed by their fans,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the media. Any private business of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is made
public
instantly
through gossips on the media. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to depression and mental distress to a level that they commit suicide.

However
, there are public figures who handle their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
and the media
effectively
. Which enables them to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
influence the masses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
large amounts of money. Having a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the society.
For example
, UN appoints a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
as its ambassador for promoting awareness on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
global issues such as children and women's rights.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who manufacture consumer products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found signing expensive contracts with a film star or a sports personality for the promotion of their products. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to convert
Did you mean "this celebrity" or "those celebrities"?
those celebrity
's following into their customer and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
their profits.

In conclusion
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opinion may vary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
, the advantage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the society along with making a considerable amount of wealth out weigh the disadvantage of compromising celebrity's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Although you have never formally studied computing, you have always been interested in computers. You have just read about a computer course that really interests you, but it is only for people who have compl v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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