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You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. v.2

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. v. 2
It is often said that current learning curriculum of high schools should be equipped with day to day practical activities like troubleshooting a car failure and filling bank forms, so that pupils can get acquainted with real life situations at their early age. I firmly believe that these skills are mandatory in their academic syllabus in order to make their life a smooth sailing. Most of the parents nowadays realized the criticality of daily life skills subjects in their children's learning system, so that they need to worry about getting daily routine things done when the situation arises. Some of them went a step ahead and made sure that their minors are getting enrolled in these subjects. For example, according to the recent education report tabled by the education ministry reveals the facts that student enrolment to plumbing and mechanical classes at the primary level have seen a spike when compared to compared to the earlier academic years. In addition to this, if a person is well versed in fixing minor repairs of household appliances on his own, he does not need to spend hefty amount in the form of maintenance and overhauling charges as these are getting increased over a period of time. Furthermore, one does not have to wait for service personnel to fix any of these issues which in turn saves the valuable time as well. To summarize, learning of Do it yourself (DIY) skills are essential to any student in order to lead a less dependent life and also to restrict themselves on spending various service bills, which in turn gets converted into huge saving in the long run.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
learning curriculum of high schools should
be equipped
with day to day practical activities like troubleshooting a car failure and filling bank forms,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that pupils can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted with real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
situations at their early age. I
firmly
believe that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are mandatory in their academic syllabus in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
a smooth sailing.

Most of the parents nowadays realized the criticality of daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
subjects in their children's learning system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they need to worry about getting daily routine things done when the situation arises.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them went a step ahead and made sure that their minors are getting enrolled in these subjects.
For example
, according to the recent education report tabled by the education ministry reveals the facts that student
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
to plumbing and mechanical classes at the primary level have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a spike when
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "compared to".
compared to compared to
the earlier academic years.

In addition
to this, if a person is well versed in fixing minor repairs of household appliances on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, he does not need to spend hefty amount in the form of maintenance and overhauling charges as these are getting increased over a period of time.
Furthermore
, one does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for service personnel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
any of these issues which in turn saves the valuable time
as well
.

To summarize
, learning of Do it yourself (DIY)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are essential to any student in order to lead a less dependent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
also
to restrict themselves on spending various service bills, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
converted into huge saving in the long run.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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