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You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. v.2

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. v. 2
Hello Peter, I hope you are doing great today? I am writing to respond to your last letter, seeking my advice on whether to take get a job in other to urgently meet up with your daily and family demands, or go to college for a degree. As childhood friends, we have always helped one another on many occasions, especially where tough decisions like this are needed. I know you need to support your family, so you want to financially equip yourself and assist them, but getting a college degree isn't just an immediate solution but a progressive and valuable step towards a bright future. Getting a degree now can guarantee better jobs and a progressive future in the ladder of life. Once you have gone through the four walls of a school, you make the decisions on what job you want and you also dictate your salary while you stand a chance to lead those without educational certificates. I want you to get the student loan that was introduced by the new government to help you through the three years of studies. This will eliminate the burden from your family as they will not bear the tuition cost. Once you graduate, your support for them can be endless because you are likely to change from one job to another based on your preference or higher pay. My life has never been the same since I graduated and I believe it can be same for you. I hope you won't trash my suggestions. Cheers mate! James.
Hello Peter,

I hope you are doing great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
?

I am writing to respond to your last letter, seeking my advice on whether to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in other to
urgently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with your daily and family demands, or go to college for a degree.

As childhood friends, we have always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
one another on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occasions,
especially
where tough decisions like this
are needed
. I know you need to support your family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you want to
financially
equip yourself and assist them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
getting a college degree isn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an immediate solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a progressive and valuable step towards a bright future.

Getting a degree
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can guarantee better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and a progressive future in the ladder of life. Once you have gone through the four walls of a school, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the decisions on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
you want and you
also
dictate your salary while you stand a chance to lead those without educational certificates.

I want you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the student loan that
was introduced
by the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you through the three years of studies. This will eliminate the burden from your family as they will not bear the tuition cost. Once you graduate, your support for them can be endless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to another based on your preference or higher pay.

My life has never been the same since I graduated and I believe it can be same for you. I hope you won't trash my suggestions.

Cheers mate!

James.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. v. 2

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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