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You recently forgot or lost your Student ID card and now write to the academic officer for a replacement. You should write: How you lost itHow is it affecting your activities at university What you require him to do v.1

You recently forgot or lost your Student ID card and now write to the academic officer for a replacement. You should write: How you lost itHow is it affecting your activities at university What you require him to do v. 1
The advantages and disadvantages of young people orientated populating have been an often-debated topic. There are both advantages and disadvantages of having lots of young people in a population. Both benefits and drawbacks of a young adult orientated population will be thoroughly analysed and discussed in this essay before drawing a reasoned conclusion. First of all, it is widely known that young people are generally much healthier and more energetic than older individuals in terms of working. In other words, they are more capable of doing any kind of work that involve physical activities such as tour guiding. So, employers can easily find young people who are well-suited for that particular job. In addition to that, young people usually get low salaries at their first job. Therefore, employers benefit from this situation, since they are not willing to pay high salaries to their employees due to its potential to increase costs in overall. Nevertheless, having lots of young people in a country could lead to an increase in unemployment and therefore, criminal activities. For instance, especially in developing or underdeveloped countries, students are having difficulties to find jobs that they desire after their graduation. Because, those countries usually do not have enough job opportunities. As a result, those graduates forced to steal from others to earn some money for their survival. However, increasing numbers of old people could cause a decrease in birth rate, which is a disastrous population problem that governments would not like to face. Thus, it eliminates all the disadvantages of having a large number of young adults in a country. To sum up, both advantages and disadvantages of having numerous young adults in a country have strong supports. Nonetheless, after a thorough analysis of both sides, it is clear that the advantages of having a relatively large number of young people in a population outweighs the disadvantages of it. It is therefore better to have young adults in a population rather than older individuals.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
orientated populating have been an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
-debated topic. There are both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. Both benefits and drawbacks of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult orientated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will be
thoroughly
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
and discussed in this essay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a reasoned conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
widely
known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
generally
much healthier and more energetic than older individuals in terms of working.
In other words
, they are more capable of doing any kind of work that involve physical activities such as tour guiding.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, employers can
easily
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are well-suited for that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
low salaries at their
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Therefore
, employers benefit from this situation, since they are not willing to pay high salaries to their employees due to its potential to increase costs in
overall
.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could lead to an increase in unemployment and
therefore
, criminal activities.
For instance
,
especially
in developing or underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, students are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
difficulties to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that they desire after their graduation.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
usually
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities.
As a result
, those graduates forced to steal from others to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for their survival.
However
, increasing numbers of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could cause a decrease in birth rate, which is a disastrous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
problem that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
would not like to face.
Thus
, it eliminates all the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in a country.

To sum up, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have strong supports. Nonetheless, after a thorough analysis of both sides, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
relatively
large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
outweighs the disadvantages of it. It is
therefore
better to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
rather
than older individuals.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You recently forgot or lost your Student ID card and now write to the academic officer for a replacement. You should write: How you lost itHow is it affecting your activities at university What you require him to do v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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