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Some people pay money for the things they want or need Other people trade products or goods for what they need Compare the advantages of these two ways of obtaining things Which way do you prefer v.1

Some people pay money for the things they want or need Other people trade products or goods for what they need Compare the advantages of these two ways of obtaining things Which way do you prefer v. 1
It is often considered that change is necessary for one to get their dreams fulfilled. Some people spend their lives doing the same things, whereas, some consider changes in life is always a good thing. Despite the fact that change is scary, in my opinion, I think doing change gives certain challenging and enjoyable experiences in life. To commence with, doing the same things again and avoiding the transformation in life, let one to feel secure and comfortable. In other words, life is somehow easy denying the changes, in fact, avoiding a change bring more and more securities in life. Furthermore, not accepting new phases of life situation is probably the easiest way to live. For instance, if an athlete plays the same sport every day, he will feel comfortable playing it and can handle the big matches more efficiently rather than that athlete changing his fantasy daily. On the other hand, change lets the people to experience lives in a better way and they are likely to get satisfaction out of their life. In other words, people who pursue different things get a chance to be socialized and travel to different places, which will eventually make one happy and fully satisfied of their life. Furthermore, it makes one's life happy. Moreover, whether the person succeeds or not one can understand the life fully and make it worth living. In conclusion, Although one can feel secure avoiding the changes in life, they cannot feel the ecstasy and inner joy which comes from exploring the different aspects of life. That's why I like changing things in my life, even though it's not secure.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is necessary for one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their dreams fulfilled.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
doing the same things, whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing. Despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is scary, in my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
gives certain challenging and enjoyable experiences in life.

To commence with, doing the same things again and avoiding the transformation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
one to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
secure and comfortable.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is somehow easy denying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, in fact, avoiding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
bring more and more securities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, not accepting new phases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
situation is
probably
the easiest way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For instance
, if an athlete plays the same sport every day, he will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
comfortable playing it and can handle the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
matches more
efficiently
rather
than that athlete changing his fantasy daily.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a better
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
way and
they are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfaction out of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who pursue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
be socialized
and travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places, which will
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one happy and
fully
satisfied of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
happy.
Moreover
, whether the person succeeds or not one can understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
fully
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it worth living.

In conclusion
, Although one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
secure avoiding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
the ecstasy and inner joy which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from exploring the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. That's why I like changing things in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
even though
it's not secure.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people pay money for the things they want or need Other people trade products or goods for what they need Compare the advantages of these two ways of obtaining things Which way do you prefer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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