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Some people like to use computers to type letter; others like to write letters with a pen. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

Some people like to use computers to type letter; others like to write letters with a pen. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
In recent years, the travelling industry has been flourishing, especially, international one; however, there are many people worried about that this scenario building more problems than learning and accepting other cultures. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this statement because the most of the tourists visiting any place for entertainment purposes than learning the cultural background of this. One obvious reason for believing overseas travelling has many negative influences on culture is that, visitors may not show respect towards the host nation's cultural background. In other words, many western tourists consider that their culture is superior to others. Eventually, they tend to misbehave there, this creates a conflict between the host and the guests. Kingdom of Soudhi Arabia, a Muslim middle east country, in which they follow a certain kind of religious belief and rituals and expects those who visit there also to follow certain rules. By contrast, If any one fails to do so, it is considered as a sign of disrespect and may invite unwanted legal actions. Thus, disrespectful behaviour of tourists builds tensions. Another possible factor is that, cultural mixing. This means, the local community of the host country tends to observe. Gradually, native residents may start to follow the foreign culture instead of their traditional one. Additionally, there is a possibility of alteration of culture too. Many native people point out that this cultural fluidity would perish their tradition and heritage in the name of tourism. Apart from this, historic buildings may not accommodate a large number visitors influx, which may result in erosion. By way of conclusion, international tourism can cause a lot of problems to the host country, according to some and I, personally, reaffirm this viewpoint.
In recent years, the travelling industry has been flourishing,
especially
, international one;
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
worried about that this scenario building more problems than learning and accepting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the most of the tourists visiting any place for entertainment purposes than learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
background of this.

One obvious reason for believing overseas travelling has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is that, visitors may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
background.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
western tourists consider that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is superior to others.
Eventually
, they tend to misbehave there, this creates a conflict between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
and the guests. Kingdom of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Soudhi
Arabia, a Muslim
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
country, in which they follow a certain kind of religious belief and rituals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
those who visit there
also
to follow certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. By contrast, If
Did you mean "anyone"?
any one
fails to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it
is considered
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of disrespect and may invite unwanted legal actions.
Thus
, disrespectful
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of tourists builds tensions.

Another possible factor is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
mixing. This means, the local community of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
country tends to observe.
Gradually
, native residents may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to follow the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
instead
of their traditional one.
Additionally
, there is a possibility of alteration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
point out that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
fluidity would perish their tradition and heritage in the name of tourism. Apart from this, historic buildings may not accommodate a large number
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "visitors'" or "visitor's"?
visitors
influx, which may result in erosion.

By way of conclusion, international tourism can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
country, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
and I,
personally
, reaffirm this viewpoint.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people like to use computers to type letter; others like to write letters with a pen. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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