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You live in a room in college which you share with another student. You find it very difficult to work there because he or she always has friends visiting. They have parties in the room and sometimes borrow your things without asking you. Write a letter to v.2

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. You find it very difficult to work there because he or she always has friends visiting. They have parties in the room and sometimes borrow your things without asking you. Write a letter to v. 2
Many people across the globe believe, children should pay more attention to going through a book than spending a large chunk of time in viewing TV or playing digital games. However, I believe that books and other leisure activity play a vital role in moulding career of a teenager. To begin with, book is the most effective way to get knowledge essential for learning and building a profession. It provides subject understanding which is highly required to develop cognitive skills. By reading stories, books and magazine a teen can learn pronunciation and build a wide range of vocabulary. It also increases a child’s attention span and advance the ability to concentrate. In addition to that, it expands talent to express themselves in a bolder, realistic and confident way. All above advantages cannot be ignored when it comes to shape occupation of a minor. On the other hand, umpteen TV programs are aimed to impart valuable lessons of life like, role of discipline in our life and why we need to respect our elder to youngsters. Importance of games cannot be overlooked, these days several games are designed to enlarge the horizon of intelligence among little one and need some sort of sharpness to play. The world is heading rapidly towards skill oriented era and a youth must hold multiple skill to construct a flawless career. Active participation in many fields will allow them to learn different ability. To conclude, reading books gives an ample amount of information to youth and which help them in many ways, but benefit of playing games and watching opera cannot be snubbed when it comes to erect a successful profession.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the globe believe, children should pay more attention to going through a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
than spending a large chunk of time in viewing TV or playing digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and other leisure activity play a vital role in
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
career of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
is the most effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge essential for learning and building a profession. It provides subject understanding which is
highly
required to develop cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. By reading stories,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and magazine a teen can learn pronunciation and build a wide range of vocabulary. It
also
increases a child’s attention span and advance the ability to concentrate.
In addition
to that, it expands talent to express themselves in a bolder, realistic and confident way. All above advantages cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to shape occupation of a minor.

On the other hand
, umpteen TV programs
are aimed
to impart valuable lessons of life like, role of discipline in our life and why we need to respect our elder to youngsters. Importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cannot
be overlooked
, these days several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are designed
to enlarge the horizon of intelligence among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one and need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of sharpness to play. The world is heading
rapidly
towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
oriented era and a youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
hold multiple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to construct a flawless career. Active participation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ability.

To conclude
, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
gives an ample amount of information to youth and which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
benefit of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and watching opera cannot
be snubbed
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to erect a successful profession.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You live in a room in college which you share with another student. You find it very difficult to work there because he or she always has friends visiting. They have parties in the room and sometimes borrow your things without asking you. Write a letter to v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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