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Letter: You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter, 〈Descri v.1

Letter: You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter, 〈Descri v. 1
In recent times, most of people buying goods on lease and with attention cards which put them into financial obligation. However, there are various reasons as society, marketing strategies and materialistic possession. Some of things that people can do address these problems such as strict laws and motivation. For a number of reasons, most of people are facing loan issues due to flaunting status. This is to say that, with the help of social media people showing their luxury lifestyle to each other because of the fiercely competitive world and they have constant pressure to live up to expectation through buying costly things which they can only afford by leasing them or lending a loan. For demonstration, people give respect to them who got material possession in their society. On top of that, people are becoming victims of false promises made in advertisements. By this I mean, Most of the Television channel uses a glamorous way of displaying various products by using animated design and graphical images to sell the products which make people run out of money. To illustrate, Brand such as Adidas, channel always takes famous celebrities to show their outlet which always attracts consumer to buy it. Nevertheless, there are several things which can be done to solve this huge issue. One of them is a clear regulation regards the issue of credit cards and payment plans offer. In other words, regulated bodies should check credit score and financial asset of people who want to owe loan to protect them from adverse effects and must be ensured limit given to them must be aligned with their income. For example, banks always checks, savings, asset and fixed income for last 9 months while issuing the credit card to their customers. Moreover, creating awareness among people will be valued booster. Government should create some motivational program to divert people from shopping malls to other places such as gyms, library and charity organization which can be beneficial for them and others too. In conclusion, too much attraction towards materialism and competition bounds us to buy unnecessary things, but it can be controlled by self satisfaction and with governmental actions such as providing more public facilities.
In recent times, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
on lease and with attention cards which put them into financial obligation.
However
, there are various reasons as society, marketing strategies and materialistic possession.
After 'Some of', you should use 'the' ("Some of the things") or simply say "Some things".
Some of things
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do address these problems such as strict laws and motivation.

For a number of reasons, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing loan issues due to flaunting status. This is to say that, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of social media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
showing their luxury lifestyle to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
fiercely
competitive
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they have constant pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to expectation through buying costly things which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
afford by leasing them or lending a loan. For demonstration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give respect to them who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
material possession in their society.
On top of that
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming victims of false promises made in advertisements. By this I mean, Most of the Television channel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
a glamorous way of displaying various products by using animated design and graphical images to sell the products which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
run out of money. To illustrate, Brand such as Adidas, channel always takes
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their outlet which always attracts consumer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.

Nevertheless
, there are several things which can
be done
to solve this huge issue. One of them
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
is


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
regulation regards the issue of credit cards and payment plans offer. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, regulated bodies should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
credit score and financial asset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to owe loan to protect them from adverse effects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be ensured
limit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aligned
with their income.
For example
, banks always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
, savings, asset and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
income for last 9 months while issuing the credit card to their customers.
Moreover
, creating awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be valued
booster.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
motivational program to divert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from shopping malls to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places such as gyms, library and charity organization which can be beneficial for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
too.

In conclusion
, too much attraction towards materialism and competition bounds us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be controlled
by
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self satisfaction
and with governmental actions such as providing more public facilities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Letter: You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter, 〈Descri v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
365 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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