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You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter, • describe the situation • explain your problems and why it is difficult to work • say what kind of accommodation you would prefer v.1

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter, • describe the situation • explain your problems and why it is difficult to work • say what kind of accommodation you would prefer v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam I would like to bring this problem to your immediate attention. I have been living in a shared room for two months. My roommate recently returned from his holiday and has been acting strangely. He refuses to cooperate with me and doesn’t clean the room. I am in the final year of my bachelor’s program and I have to study a lot. My roommate likes to watch the television all the time and he keeps the volume high. This disturbs me and hence I cannot prepare well for my examination. I have time and again asked him to reduce the volume, but he doesn’t listen to me. My roommate also doesn’t like to clean the room. I have prepared a cleaning routine, but he does not stick to it. He always leaves his rubbish on the table that he shares with me. In addition, sometimes he forgets to put the leftover food in the garbage bin. Because of these reasons, the room smells bad. On some days, especially at midnights, he uses his mobile phone and speaks loudly with his friends. This disturbs my sleep and makes it impossible for me to concentrate on my studies the next day. I really want to move out of this room as soon as possible. I believe that it will benefit both parties. I am looking for a single room with kitchen and bathroom facilities. It would be really helpful if you could arrange one near my campus. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you for your time and support. Yours sincerely Rahul
Dear Sir or Madam

I would like to bring this problem to your immediate attention. I have been living in a shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
for two months. My roommate recently returned from his holiday and has been acting
strangely
. He refuses to cooperate with me and doesn’t clean the room.

I am in the final year of my bachelor’s program and I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study a lot. My roommate likes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the television all the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the volume high. This disturbs me and
hence
I cannot prepare well for my examination. I have time and again asked him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the volume,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he doesn’t listen to me.

My roommate
also
doesn’t like to clean the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
. I have prepared a cleaning routine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he does not stick to it. He always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
his rubbish on the table that he shares with me.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
he forgets to put the leftover food in the garbage bin.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these reasons, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
smells
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. On
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days,
especially
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
midnights
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
his mobile phone and speaks
loudly
with his friends. This disturbs my sleep and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it impossible for me to concentrate on my studies the
next
day.

I
really
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. I believe that it will benefit both parties.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am looking for a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
with kitchen and bathroom facilities. It would be
really
helpful if you could arrange one near my campus.

I am looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Thank you for your time and support.

Yours
sincerely


Rahul
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter, • describe the situation • explain your problems and why it is difficult to work • say what kind of accommodation you would prefer v. 1

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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