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Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 9: Agree or disagree? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. v.1

Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 9: Agree or disagree? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. v. 1
As the Internet develops, people are much easier to contact all over the world, which boosts the pace of globalisation. Many people's lives have been changed due to the global trend. From my point of view, globalisation has been bringing great benefits to our world. There are two obvious advantages accounting for the globalisation. Firstly, the globalisation has facilitated the development of local economic. Because when the international company entered into another region, bringing many job opportunities for local people, as a result of which the local people can get more salaries. For instance, Foxconn has brought many job opportunities to local people. Additionally, the globalisation has facilitated the communication between people from different countries. People with different background information gather together and exchange their experience, and they can both get inspiration from the chat. Therefore, globalisation has brought many opportunities and promoted the development, both in economic and cultural areas. On the other hand, the globalisation also brings some disadvantages. Some companies extract money from cheap labour. The workers get paid not too much while the profit was taken away from the company, which damages the local development. What's more, the local government may loss the right in the aspect of economics. Because the government needs the big companies to come in, so they would negotiate and the government could make some politics for them. Hence, the globalisation also brings some problems. To summarise, the globalisation not only brings the benefits, but also the challenges and disadvantages to us. From where I stand, I hold the view that we should embrace the opportunities and keep pace of the globalisation trend.
As the Internet develops,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are much easier to contact all over the world, which boosts the pace of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
due to the global trend. From my point of view,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has been bringing great benefits to our world.

There are two obvious advantages accounting for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.
Firstly
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has facilitated the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
entered into another region, bringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
as a result
of which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more salaries.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Foxconn
has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Additionally
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has facilitated the communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
background information gather together and exchange their experience, and they can both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspiration from the chat.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
and promoted the development, both in economic and cultural areas.

On the other hand
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
also
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
extract money from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
. The workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid not too much while the profit
was taken
away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, which damages the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
development. What's more, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may
"loss" is a noun. Did you mean the verb "lose" (= 'to lose')?
loss
the right in the aspect of economics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would negotiate and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
politics for them.
Hence
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
also
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings the benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the challenges and disadvantages to us. From where I stand, I hold the view that we should embrace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pace of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
trend.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 9: Agree or disagree? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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